THIS.IS.LOVE`♥

In ♥

2011-07-27T20:34:00.003+08:00

Hi, it's been a long time ever since i blogged here. I've always been using LJ instead. Oh well, ever since three years ago, this very special someone has been helping me a lot, caring for me, always been there for me. Since start of this year, we got together. He's the one who had been there for me no matter what. I really thank God for him. I feel as though i'm the luckiest girl ever on earth, the blessed woman ever. ♥ Thank you Baby for being there throughout this whole 6, coming 7 months, & of course it'll keep counting on. I really appreciate every single thing you did for me. Really, i really do. Baby, i love you.

Anyway, updates of my life. Next week, school'll be starting alrd. Wow. After 8 whole months. :/

Oh well, hope everything'll be fine, good and awesome.

Label: God, please help me to get through the toughest time of my life, Amen. ♥

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY MARIO TAY!

2010-12-05T22:30:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIO, MY DEAREST BRUDDER!
HEARTS!
Seriously, you are a great great and wonderful friend. Really love you aload!
You are always the one making things that ain't funny, funny.
I miss the times when we just sit around and laugh/do/talk about stupid things.
We'll keep changing subjects but in the end, going back to the same one and laugh at it again. Hahah i really miss all of those. Oh well, i really hope god will bless you throughout your life.
Because he gave me the greatest gift ever : A friend/brudder like you.
I've many many things to say but oh well. Shall keep it for next time.
I'm not sure if you'll read this, but well. This are all from the bottom of my heart!
Love you! xoxo.

Maybe someday, i'll get there again..

2010-12-05T21:56:00.002+08:00

I don't know why, but everytime when i need someone they'll always be gone. :(
This hurts alot. Because everytime i feel like crying, i need a hug. I need someone to talk to. All of these feelings in me are almost killing me. :( Now it's like i'm the only free bird among the 8 of us somehow. All are doing their school work etc, busy with their school. I feel really really alone. As in like all of them have things in common now, school. I'm like roaming around my own world.
It's like everytime i want to meet up with them, they'll be busy & i'll end up doing stupid things and just keep going out ; which is boring. :(
I'm feeling horrible now. I need to cry. :( I need a hug.

I guess it's really time for me to let you go. It'd been so long that i've been waiting. I guess i'd been thinking too much. But i do know that i still love you. I think it's really time to let you go.
I can't bear to but i think i still have to. :(

In the end, it's still hard to say goodbye..

When will this last?

2010-11-27T22:35:00.002+08:00

Why am i feeling this way again? :(
This feeling is stuck to me forever somehow. I've got no idea how to deal with it.
I guess this is really love. I have to fake just to pretend nothing happened, at all. Sighs.
I need a hug, i need someone. I want to cry and need to cry. :(

2010-11-27T00:54:00.003+08:00

When i need someone to talk to, there isn't a single soul.
Now all of us are on our own.
They are busy with their work and i don't want to disturb them too much too.
:(

Hmmm..

2010-11-27T00:28:00.001+08:00

Okay, i'm not sure why am i feeling this way. But i'm really feeling horrible. :(
I want to cry, i want to scream. I'm stupid enough to think so much. False hope.
I'm super upset. :(

Misses.

2010-10-12T12:47:00.001+08:00

I still do miss you. Yes, i still do.

screwed, totally.

2010-10-04T18:37:00.002+08:00

F.M.L. I'm tired of here. People are inconsiderate here. All t they could do is to think of themselves and assumptions. It sucks. I want to leave this shit place. A home doesn't look and sound like one. Fuck this shit. I'm tired of life. Really. And YES just so freaking dumb. how much i study it's like the shit results. fuck my life, totally.

miscellaneous

2010-09-25T22:14:00.002+08:00

I wish time could be fast forward. I'm really tired. Now. I just feel like breaking down. Was having loads of things on my mind on the bus ride. Many of them. :( This makes me feel worse. Help me. :l

Miscellaneous feelings.

2010-09-11T07:34:00.003+08:00

I ain't sure what the fcuk i'm doing. I'm seriously sure. It just so that so many things happened at the same time, not sure of which to look at. Some things just pissed me off, at the same time, i feel sad. I wasn't sure what was happening. All i knew that i wanted to cry. I needed to be alone. As i was standing right there alone, afraid that people might think that i'm mad. I really want to let everything out. Because the feeling was overwhelming me. I ain't sure what was i really feeling. It was really all mixed up, really mixed up. I don't want people to think that i'm like an attention seeker or whatever whenever it comes to this kinda events. I felt horrible. Real horrible. Like who could have felt this way when you were actually intended to enjoy yourself and was actually enjoying yourself? Really so many things happened at the same time. So i'm not sure which to feel. I didn't bother to tell anyone because i think you'll get sick and tired of me. Really. I guess i felt sad because i feel the same way as you do. Seeing you like that really hurts me alot. It just came automatic. I really want to be there by your side and listen to you. Or maybe you could just sit there and i just sit with you. I really want to be right there for you. I'm sorry that i lied to you now that it's gone. I know, i really know and i'm sure that it's still right there. It's still in me. It's somewhat like part of me. I don't know. I really don't know. I wish that this could really go away. :( I'm really feeling horrible now. :(

Also, i just hope that this could simply just stop. If there's something that
prolongs, anyone, i'm sure will get sick and tired of it.Seriously, internal
conflicts should just stop. Yes, i used to hate him. But now seriously, because
i know what to do and that's enough to live with myself. I think you won't want
to be treated the way you're treating people now. Because that way of treatment
seriously sucks y'know. Now it's because i've grown up. Really. Maybe you should
grow up too. It's because of all these nonsense, you spoilt my day.

Maybe, i'm just lying to myself.

2010-08-10T18:45:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure if sometimes i'm lying to myself or what. But i'm really really confused by my own thinking now. I tried to move on but you're not gone. I've moved on, right? Oh, maybe that's physically moving on but my heart still stays at the same place. Why is it so difficult to forget or rather get him out of my heart? I know i still do ________ . I guess ___ would be the last one in my heart. It's really difficult. I suppose that i'm really physically moving on but my heart still holds on to it somehow. Ah i'm just killing myself. Making myself into this deep shit. I'm smiling but deep inside i feel hurt. I'm punishing myself. Sometimes i feel as if i'm lying to myself. I said that the usual me is back, but i often ask myself once more. Am i really back? So am i really back? I really don't know. :(

They live in my heart, my heart ♥.

2010-08-05T20:01:00.003+08:00

I think i'm back. No more mask to cover anymore!
Okay, i'm happy that's of course. Hehehe.
A big thank you to those who've been there by my side.
I love you,♥ .
This is really really from the bottom bottom bottom of my heart. Really. (:

There would be someone who'll be living in your heart that you'll no matter what not
forget about and will always think about them and also, miss them. I have a few who've been living in my heart and they will always be living in my heart. That's of course besides my family members. Family members are drilled to our heart forever. These people just pop up in my mind anytime, wherever i am, any part of the day. Even if there's distance in between, deep within me can really feel it. But they just live in my heart ever since they stepped into my life.
Connie.Marianne.Joana.Elize.Mario.Jonchow.Corn.Irwin.

It's because of them. For certain things, they taught me indirectly to grow stronger for things.

Maybe someone could tell me what to do? :( Please?

2010-07-18T20:37:00.003+08:00

I'm really tired, worn out. I'm not sure of what i've been doing the past few days.
Who knew? God knows. Oh well. I became very grouchy since friday. Fuck, seriously.
What's wrong with me? Anyone knows? I've been thinking very hard. I could not sleep yesterday. I was thinking about my life. Everything seems to be falling apart in my life. School, friends, family, church and many other things. That's very sad. God, why must all this things happen now? I want to be happy. I want to be like a bird, so free and happy. Time changes everything and of course ... people too. I really wish that everything could be back to normal. Brother, i think i know what's the thing that made me regret after listening to your talk at youth mass yesterday. I know it. It's runining things in my own life, ( It's telling **** that. :[ ) Oh well, what's done can't be undone. No one can control it right? And brother, i want to be that pencil you talked about. I want to pursue my dreams. I really want to. I really really want to. I'm afraid. God, can you help me? :( I'm really afraid. Everytime i feel like breaking down. It feels disgusting. It really, sucks. Howhowhowhowhowhow?

FML FML FML FML!! :(

Maybe, it just sucks to be me?

2010-07-11T21:38:00.002+08:00

Now, i'm back on my journey looking for stars in the sky.
I've not been doing that for a long time. Whenever when i see stars up in the sky shining brightly, i fee happy. Maybe someday, i'll be like the stars. Shinning brightly.
I'm seriously very tired and worn out now.
Currently i'm feeling very down now. :(
Also, this sucks.

Slowed down footsteps, looking at things at a distance. Here i am, trying to let go.

2010-07-06T22:33:00.004+08:00

What i saw was really heartbreaking.
But what could change the fact? Yes, the only thing i could do now is to, move on.

No matter how much it hurts, i'll move on. Yes i will.

I want to be happy ever again.
I don't want to be one who's fake. I don't want to put up a fake front infront of anybody else.

Yes, i'm still feeling shitty now. I'm trying my very best now. I really am.

Can you please help me too? :(

I'm willing to let you go it's because ilyvm.

I'm bleeding badly now, really bleeding but i'm giving you my most heartfelt blessings.

I really mean it. It's because, this way, everyone would be happy.

Right? I'm not sure how long will this take. I'm really not sure of.

It always occur to me that the things i've always wanted never come to me.

Now, i'm not sure of what to feel and how to feel anymore.

I'm tired now. I really am.

A moment i was breathless, my heartbeat slowed down. I didn't know what to do...

I felt that my throat was choked with something. Slowly then the things around me started to slow down too. Then, all memories started to refresh my mind with. I then realise it's time that i put down everything and continue my journey. The load seemed to be heavier than usual, but i can put them down slowly. Now i'm still struggling to. But slowly, i will and i can. I guess.

I am. I was. I did. Now, i used to.

2010-07-05T19:24:00.004+08:00

I already sensed something really wasn't right.
Now i know the answer. Now i know.
Maybe, i knew it at first but i just wasn't that sure.
Now, i know. Now, i'm not sure of what to do.
I already knew. But why does it hurt so bad?
Now, even if i say i'm alright.
I really, seriously don't think i'm.
Because this will really take a long long time.
I feel like crying out loud now. I really feel like it now.
I'm holding them back.It's making me worst.
Fuck. Really, fuck it.
I guess i will delete anything and everything that's related to you, starting from now.
It's because i held on for too long. That's the reason why.

Drained.

2010-07-01T18:22:00.003+08:00

It's just so a little from you, i've got all of my energy back again.
Well, it's maybe the power that i'm not sure of.
But now, though there's no answer. I think, I think i'm okay.
I'm on my own now...

Have you ever thought of arranging suicide
when you know you're going to die?
It's because my literature showed us the
documentary which is linked to the text that we are reading.
It was just this morning, the very first lesson that of school.
That's the video that made my whole class' mood down.
The video is real touching and sad.
When you know when your love one is dying, because the death is schduled.
Moreover, watching your love one die after drinking the medicine.
Isn't it upsetting?
Who would have the courage to do that?
Who would have it?
It might be a peaceful death because you
will feel no pain at all. Just drinking liquid.

Rest in peace Craig Ewert. It's been almost 4 years.

I guess i'm fine. I think i'm fine. Am i?

2010-06-28T20:37:00.005+08:00

I've got very little to type, so i guess the pictures can tell how i feel on my behalf.

Still, my heart is still aching. I was almost breathless and my heart was so painful which made me tired and i fell asleep after those tears.

Why goodbye?

2010-06-27T11:27:00.002+08:00

I've fallen into the sea and almost drowning.
It's another day that something i've been looking forward to, did not come true at all.
What else can i do? I've got nothing else to hold on anymore.
Why does this hurt so bad? Why does it hurt so much?
My eyes, my heart are starting to bleed.
They are starting to cry.
What else can they do?

Mariah:
I shouldn't have walked away
I
would've stayed if you said
We could've made everything OK
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The
final blow hit so low
I'm still on the ground

I couldn't have
prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Super natural love conquers all
'Member we used to touch the sky
And

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I said
goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

C'mon babe
can't our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on
the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

Ne-Yo:
I
thought we'd be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the
bad days
Didn't always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin'
stupid
And you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You
look up
Find your love gone
And

We were so good together
How
come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say
goodbye

'Cause lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When
you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
We
let it drift
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry

Mariah & Ne-Yo:
C'mon babe can't our love be revived
Bring
it back and we gon' make it right
I'm on the edge just tryin' to survive
As the angels cry

Baby I'm missin' you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Baby I'm missin'
you
Don't allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching
for you

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and
I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
But we let
it slip
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

Oh
babe, the angels cry

2010-06-27T10:51:00.002+08:00

I miss you as much as how heavy the rain is.

Every single droplets are telling you enough how much i miss you..

Too many things, can't be described.

2010-06-26T22:17:00.002+08:00

Deep within me, it's beginning to bleed.

Someone help me out.

The feeling is unbearable. :(

& i've been keeping many things to myself.

It's just too many ...

I've been living in my own world all this while.

2010-06-25T22:31:00.002+08:00

I guess i've changed.

I've become someone who seldom talks now & living in her own world.

It became that even things changed.

Sometimes, awkward.

How did this even happen at all?

ILMOYIVUSEOS/

2010-06-25T19:01:00.004+08:00

Who would've known better?

It just seem so far away..

PARK SHIN-HYE` Without words

I shouldn’t have done that,
I should
have pretended not to know
like I didn’t see it, like I couldn’t see it
I shouldn’t have looked at you in the first place
I should have run away
I should have pretended I wasn’t listening
like I didn’t hear it, like I
couldn’t hear it
I shouldn’t have heard your love in the first place
Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave
me your love
Made me fill myself with your every breath
Then you ran
away
Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
My lips were surprised
It came without a
word
Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it hurt continuously?
Except
for the fact that I can’t see you anymore, and that you’re not here anymore
otherwise, it’ll be just the same like before
Without a word, you made
me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Made me fill
myself with your every breath
Then you ran away
Without a word, love
leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
My lips were surprised
Without a word, tears starts falling down
Without a word, my heart is broken
Without a word, I waited for love
Without a word, love hurts me

Looking forward..

2010-06-24T22:31:00.004+08:00

I'm thinking of you now.

I wish that it would really come true.

The one that i trusted, i hope it'll really come true.

If not i'll really be many times more disappointed. :(

My energy is all used up, i'm not sure of what's going on anymore.

My heart is empty, just like a ballon without it's temperature.

愛讓我想起你的時候淚禁不住滑落.

什麽都不要懂　只想繼續做夢
害怕醒來以後　握不住你的手
是誰太不成熟　沒體諒彼此感受
我不停尋找著理由　解釋分手

心好空　像沒溫度的氣球
我的靈魂困在回憶中　動也不能動

愛上你　不需要理由　你到底懂不懂
可是懷念　竟比失去　還要更難受
愛讓我想起你的時候淚禁不住滑落
可惜　你永遠　都不會懂

什麽都不要懂　只想繼續做夢
害怕醒來以後　握不住你的手
如果同一秒鐘　你也想起了我
心只要能微微顫抖就已足夠

愛上你　不需要理由　你到底懂不懂
可是懷念　竟比失去　還要更難受
愛讓我想起你的時候　淚禁不住滑落
或許　我永遠　都看不透

Lost

2010-06-23T22:59:00.003+08:00

When people said that things will be alright, will they really be alright?
Because for all i know, a withered flower cannot be put back together ever again.
Sometimes i turn out to look okay and normal,
at certain point of times, i'm not how i appeared to be. Pretence.
It was all behind that face. & it hurts me more when i pretend that it doesn't.

Tears do fall unexpectedly..

2010-06-21T23:44:00.002+08:00

I'm starting all over to tear myself to sleep, how did this ever happen this time?

& here i am posting words with all of my emotions.

I'm feeling so lost now, and i do not know what to do.

I suppose no one could tell me what to do? It's because for all i know now, i'm all alone.

Out of the whole group, i'm all alone now. I've got no one whom i can share my doubts with.

As for now, i just need someone to keep motivating me non-stop because i know i can't do it

on my own & i can never do this on my own. I'm really tired of this feeling here.

Why does this hurt so much?

Now i know that relying too much hurts even more than anything...

I can't swim on my own, it's too much. Feels like i'm drowning without your presence..

2010-06-20T19:14:00.004+08:00

Even if i do not know how to feel towards things anymore,

but i can tell you that i still love you like i'd always did.

I really miss you.

There is one pain i often feel which you will never know

because it is caused by you..

I'm overboard and i need your love.

2010-06-20T13:28:00.002+08:00

I'm beginning to not know how to feel towards things anymore.
What's this feeling, it's so confusing and i feel lost. I do not know what to do anymore.

It feels like weve been out at sea
So back and forth thats how its seems
Whoa and when I want to talk
you say to me
That if its meant to be, it will be
So crazy in this thing we call love
The love that we got that we just cant give up
Im reaching out for you tell me
out here in the water and I)

Im overboard and I need your love
Pull me up
I cant swim on my own
Its to much
Feels like Im drowning without your love
So throw yourself out to me
My life saver
Life saver
Oh life saver
My life saver
Life saver
Oh life saver oh wow

Never understand you when you say
Wanting me to met you half way.
Felt like I was doing my part
Get bringing your coming up short
Funny how these thing change
Cause now I see

So crazy in this love we call love
and now that we got it
we just cant give up
Im reaching out for ya
Got me out here in the water and I

Im overboard
And I need your love
Pull me up (Pull me up)
I cant swim on my own
Its to much (Its to much)
Feels like Im drowning without your love
So throw yourself out to me
My life saver

Its supposed to be some give and take I know.
Your only taking and not given any more
So what will I do? (So what will I do?)
Cause I still love you. (Still love you Baby)
Youre the only one who can save me

Im overboard
And I need your love
Pull me up (Pull me up)
I cant swim on my own
Its to much (Its to much)
Feels like Im drowning (Im drowning baby Im drowning)without your love
So throw yourself out to me (Cant swim)
My life saver
Life saver
Oh life saver
My life saver
(Its crazy, crazy crazy, yeah) Life saver
Oh life saver
Oh life saver
Oh life saver
Oh life saver
Yeah

2010-06-08T19:27:00.002+08:00

2010年6月8日, Tuesday.

I'd lost the grip i had on the cliff. Fallen. Fallen straight down from a height. I've no idea what to do now. I need someone right now. When running, flashback of what had happened over the years. It's just me, my stupidity. The problem is with me. I'm sorry. It's because of all those stupidity that i've caused hurt to myself over and over and over again. It's because when it comes to trust, i feel reluctant. Hesitation. Doubt. It's really difficult because i felt that we're at a distance. We seemed to be very far, far away. I'm not sure why. I've been feeling very uneasy for almost a month, what else can i do? I never know why i just felt shut down right away.

Again, i sat in the park looking at the surroundings. Deep thoughts. Thinking, what made me this way? Uncontrollable tears. What should i do?

A friend is one who knows who you are,
understands where you have been,
accepts what you have become,
and still gently allows you to grow.

It is a fragile thread that binds us together,
so handle it with care.

A friend is one who knows who you are,
understands where you have been,
accepts what you have become,
and still gently allows you to grow.

Labels: I'm lost, not found..

2010-06-07T21:31:00.002+08:00

Maybe someday, you'll find me walking around aimlessly at night.
Maybe someday, you'll find me running at night non-stop.
Maybe one day, i would get tired of all these.
It might be that day when i'm really tired and it's the time when it really hit me deep down.
It might be the day when things really turn out bad after all accumulation.
It is the day when my heart really breaks.
This is the time when all things happen at the same time.

A screwed up day! :) /我落淚。情緒零碎

2010-06-06T21:45:00.003+08:00

2010年6月6日, Sunday.

I guess i was right. I expected this kind of thing will happen. Yes, it's because someone said it. I didn't believe it at first, but now i do. Why must this kind of thing happen only now after so many years? Almost 10 years? It really hurts alot. I just don't know why. Yes, we are drifting far far and further away from each other. I don't know how to change this. How? I've been hurt time and time again because of this. Who could help me? Today, i waited straight after i'm done with my cooking. Waited to be told to meet. In the end, waited for so long and then was told that i wasn't needed anymore. How heartbreaking this is. I ain't sure if i've been thinking too much. But how could you be so cruel to let our friendship go like that? I don't understand. In the end, i went "talking" to the nature. Then i went sitting alone for almost an hour crying like an idiot/retard/insane woman. It's a 10years worth of tears.
I already felt that my heart was so tensed up and felt sour. Next the practical, screwed then comes to this. It's just a total screwed up day. Really. Why whenever i need someone, no one seem to appear? No one seem to bother? No one. Why is it that i always say it's okay and let it go like this when i'm not okay at all? Why am i always the one being rejected? It have been so frequent that i'm getting used to. I don't want this to happen at all. No one would ever know how i'm feeling now. Not at all. The people i've trusted so much just hurt me like that. Why? They don't even read my blog at all i suppose. Now, i really don't know who to trust at all. I'm lost. I really do not know what to do anymore. Why must i always talk to the nature when i'm down? Why must i always turn to running just to make myself feel better? Hey, i'm a human here. I need conforting and consoling just like anyone else do. I do need consoling hugs. I'm not who i appear to be at times. I do need someone who can just sit there with me just to accompany me. Why do i ever have to turn to a non-living thing like a blog here whenever i'm feeling down/upset/depressed? Why? Am i taken for granted? Can i trust you? How can you make me believe that i can trust you? It's because there's no one i can trust anymore. Not even myself. I don't want to get hurt ever again. That feeling sucks you know? And while typing i'm crying again like mad. I just can't stop it from happening. It's because this hurts alot more than you can think of. Who can i turn to now? Not the forest definitely. I just need you to be there for me like how i've always and had been doing. I'm really really very lost. And why is it that when i've become happier and now being pushed back down again. There i am standing alone, while each of you have each other. What is that feeling like? I hate that feeling the most, seriously. When can i ever feel happy just like i always did before? I don't like to be the one who's called the emo one. I'm not. Everytime when i've moved on and became happier, things happen. Why? Do you even care? I've been wanting to ask you that. Anway, i'm not only referring to one person.
Believe it or not? I've been crying for an hour or more.

Labels: fuck.

2010-06-01T21:33:00.001+08:00

2010年6月1日, Tuesday.

HAPPY JUNE!

I'm starting to dislike school more and more. I'm really really really very tired. F u c k.

Labels: baby, i miss you so..

Water fountain, if you know what it really means here.

2010-05-28T23:16:00.005+08:00

2010年5月28日, Friday.

& it's friday. Not looking forward to anything at all. Not at all. I'm just very tired, i feel like sleeping for the rest of my life and never wake up. I need my sleep. I don't know why but after i heard the priest talking about something that was something that's in me now. I looked down and held my tears. It's kinda stupid to let that happen. & yes like who knows, people would think that i'm some attention seeker or whatsoever. Please, i'm not one okay. I don't know what brought me real down since the beginning of the year. Maybe i guess it's studies. It's the one that changed me and brought me real down. I've changed, yes very much. Like who even realised it? Who even cares? No one. Because, everyone are busy with their own stuffs. Like, woah no one existed at all. Yes you can say that i'm unreasonable but hey, i'm human too. I do have feelings in me. Everyone seem to have something to talk about. Then all i could do is to do my own things, what else can i do? Just keep quiet. & so far only one person realise that i'm so quiet now. That person finds it weird too. It's so not me, yes and that i know. I'd always wanted to really enjoy myself outside school. But none seem to work. That includes when i'm home too. It's like now everything i just keep them to myself. No one even cares at all. Yes you can say that there are people who love me. Yes it's true. But in the real world, who's not selfish? Everyone is. & yeah, the only person or rather thing i can "voice" out to would be a non-living thing. Sad huh? Who really actually cared. I can't bring myself to trust and believe anyone anymore. There are and were so many setbacks that caused me to be like this. I don't want to be hurt again. It really hurts alot. Who really care what others feel. At times when i'm out and people ask why am i like that and am i tired? Or hey what happen to you? I would just simply say, oh im just very tired. At certain times it's really true but sometims it's not. It's just a lie. It may seem like i feel happy and keep smiling when i start to tone myself down, but one thing, i'm not okay. Like who would say, oh i'm feeling damn sad, depressed and feeling like shit? Fuck it man. Yes, i'm changing now for good. I hate it. I hate myself to the core. I hate living. No one would ever know the way i'm feeling now typing this shit and not doing my work. I'm really tired and i want to sleep. But i've been holding onto it for a very long time, i need to let out. I've cried to sleep for two nights and had not been having enough sleep for the past few weeks. I'm now afraid, afraid of everything. Afraid i would fall, afraid i would get hurt again. Afraid things will not turn to be the way i desired. Afraid simply, Everything. And yes, i need my motivation, i need someone with me. Staying by my side giving me the support that i need. I'm helpless not. I'm somehow got myself to support myself mentally, but it just don't work. Failfailfailfail. What shit is that. Rubbish totally. Wtf. I tried my very best to support myself, but it just keep going down down down down down down and down.

Labels: who would ever know what i'm feeling now? I seem to feel the way in appearance, but you're really wrong..

我落淚。情緒零碎

2010-05-23T13:42:00.005+08:00

2010年5月23日, Sunday.

A blink of eye the month of May is coming to an end soon. I'm sure enough this sucks to the core.
Yes, this really sucks.

Love, Closed my eyes and couldn't sleep for a few nights. Why? Not sure though. Something inside me is stirring. The feeling that is unable to describe. Tears rolled down for no reason. It seemed like we are far far away now. Distance, distant. Where is it now? I need you, imy.
I know it is only a one-sided thing, but it had been so long. I don't know why but it's still in me. It never left me at all.

Friendship, people walk in and out of your life.That feeling sucks huh? Well, be careful with who you are meeting. I've found out many things and yeah it really sucks to know about things you had been wondering for a few months. Wow, how great can that be? Okay, put the bad things aside, i'm tired of all those rubbish. I'm not saying anything bad or what but i just feel that we are falling apart. I feel there's gap inbetween us. I hope the gap will be healed and get back to where we were before. Is it possible and will it be possible? I guess i'm thinking too much. Well.. I also wish that someone would be there motivating me all the way. I'm lack of that now. :(

Motivation, i can't find my motivation still and nothing seem to work. Where are you Mr/Miss motivation? I need you now! :S I can't stand it. The feeling is intolerable. The feeling inside me is killing me, it made me cry to sleep almost everyday now and could not sleep properly. I'm tired, really worn out. Who could help me?

Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does.
Even when I pour my heart out to you,
I'm not sure it shows, that I love you more than you'll ever know..

Labels: It's harder than you know, i love you...

Dead and never come back. GOODBYE.

2010-05-18T21:29:00.002+08:00

I'm visiting myself in a far far away place.. Somewhere where i'll be free. Dead.
somewhat "preparing" a funeral for myself. HAHAHAHAHAH :)
Anyway, no one visits here.

Labels: you'll never know how much i feel towards you.

INSECURITIES.

2010-05-17T21:12:00.002+08:00

Am i thinking too much or it's true? Everyone's changing. I'm beginning not to understand anymore. Drifting. Distant. It's the spark and start of a fire. Hope this could come to an end.

Pray that i won't die.

2010-05-08T23:24:00.003+08:00

2010年5月8日, Saturday.

Oh hey!
This is seriously awful. Everything seemed to be s c r e w e d u p, screwed totally s c r e w e d. How bad could that be? Yes, english is purely intolerable. That goes for the three or two papers i've took before that, which is on thursday. D a m n, i just can't take it. :( All motivation gone. & My brother just can't seriously preorder jay chou's album quick. Can't he sensed that i kept chasing him for that and something's wrong already? :( I need that for my motivation! :(
Also, i think i'm already losing myself. Losing everything that's in me. I've lost interest in many things already... One day, i might be gone. I need to be saved. Damnit.

Labels: I miss, you.

2010-05-06T21:47:00.002+08:00

2010年5月6日, Thursday.

Hey!
Exams exams exams exams start officially today. Kinda screwed up today.
3 papers, and 1 out of 3 able to finish. :/ How bad is that? :( Oh well, it's just mid years.
Need to do time management dude! Dang dang.

Labels: I just can't help myself from thinking of you..

2010-05-04T20:47:00.003+08:00

2010年5月4日, Tuesday.

HEY!
Yay, i'm so so so so so so so so happpppppppppppppy because jay chou's album is releasing soon! :) :) :) :) Isn't it cool or what! I can't wait! He's like my motivation, his album for now. Previously was his concert, but couldn't go due to some reasons. ): ): ): Thought i could use that to motivate myself to work doubly hard for MYE. But oh well. :{

Why does your heart hurt so bad when you miss someone? Why does it hurt so bad when the other side is feeling so unhappy? Why must i feel the way i'm feeling now? Why? Why do i feel like crying at certain point of time?

爱一个人有时好累。爱一个人必须有等待。等待也会累。但，这就是在爱情里所付出的代价。现在所可以做的就是等待。

"The sun can have the sky and it wouldnt matter.
The night can have its stars and i woudnt care.
Tomorrow can be majestic yet remain empty,
for it simply wouldnt matter without you there."

Labels: Just so you know, this feeling's taking control of me..

Breaking. Apart. Screwed. Breathless.

2010-04-30T15:32:00.006+08:00

2010年4月30日, Friday.

When you know you are useless, would you try your best to prove otherwise? When you know you're licked, would you work hard? When you feel that everything's falling apart, what would you do? When you feel that you're going to cry, what would you do? As for me, i do not know. I've got no answer to all of these because it's hard for me to know what am i feeling and hard to tell myself. What would you do if so many things happen at the same time? Screw it, seriously screw it.

"It is the distance that makes life a little hard.
Two
minds that once were close
are now so many miles apart.
I will not
falter though, I'll hold on 'til you're home
- safely back where you belong.
See how our love has grown?
You're not alone; I'll wait till the end of
time.
Open your mind, surely it's plain to see,
you're not alone; I'll
wait 'til the end of time.
Open your mind,
Baby, there's time for me and
you."

Labels: "Why is it that when you miss someone so much that your heart is ready to disintegrate, you hear the saddest song on the radio?"

Time's racing, please slow down, i gotta find my way out..

2010-04-28T18:08:00.003+08:00

2010年4月28日, Wednesday.

HI!
It's another day in the middle of the week. Yes, it's tiring much. I guess i'm falling sick soon, tired out, dead. Midyears are here like real soon soon! Fast isn't it? && yup, i think i'm so so so going to fail. But well, i should just not waste time and work hard! But i'm still scared! :/ Dang. :(

Have you ever encounter when someone two-faced you, backstab and betrayed you straight and pretended nothing ever happened? Have you ever wonder how would that feel? Have you ever thought of it happening it to you? Imagine you were on the best terms at first, then slowly as it progressed, it just went off like that? Well, you may be best of friends then slowly quarrels will arise and the only way to settle problems is to just stay as classmates. What logic could that be? Imagine one day your good friend just did that to you and leave you and bad mouth you behind your backs and nothing's really settled on your side? Then after a while, you can be on good terms over again and pretended nothing happened and that person didn't do anything to you at that moment and you thought they did not do anything behind your back before? In front of you now, they would act that they are innocent and you'll fall for it. Then again, for no reason, you could be treated like trash and then the vicious cycle repeats. Now only you know that during the conflict you had before was something somehow bad and you know nothing about it?
Yes, you could say that i'm dumb enough. Dumb is the only word to describe me. Oh well, i'm not sure why i was thinking about all these when i was walking to school. I'm tired, really tired..

"The sun can have the sky and it wouldnt matter.
The night can have its stars and i woudnt care.
Tomorrow can be majestic yet remain empty,
for it simply wouldnt matter without you there. "

"Love that we cannot have
is the one that lasts the longest,
hurts the deepest and feels the strongest."

"true love leaves a memory no one
can steal and a heartache no one can heal"

Labels: Saranghaeyo..

2010-04-18T13:37:00.002+08:00

2010年4月18日, Sunday.

Hey there once again. Yup, i supposed things are going quite alright. It's just that feelings stays the same. I don't know why but it just won't leave me. It refused to leave me. I read someone's blog and kinda keep me thinking of what i wanna do. Well, it's difficult huh. I'm not sure what i'm doing and what i want. All i need is just focus on my studies. B'cos i know God had already planned things for me, just not sure what's his plan. I guess i leave it to God. I hope it's what i asked for.But well, this feeling is stubborn enough. It's not me, i want it to leave but it just won't go. I guess, it'll live with me. Well. Yes and midyears' coming. Damn.

"Sometimes, fate has
a cruel way of
putting things together.
Maybe it's better
if people just give up
when there's no point
in fighting for something anymore.
When the ship
has finally sailed,
only a fool would go after
when it's already miles away.
But sometimes,
it's a lot better to be a fool
to go after what
we want and need,
rather than to regret
everything in the end
because we never even tried.."

Labels: 爱上你不需要理由你到底懂不懂。。

2010-04-12T21:13:00.003+08:00

2010年4月12日, Monday.

Everything's subsiding somehow, time's running out anytime. But however, that particular thing will not leave me. I've found no reason to that but it just fails to leave me. It's torturous and it makes me feel like dying anytime. Not sure why but it seemed like to me, i'm wearing a mask almost everyday. I mean hiding myself away. Yes, i'm struggling with the books. No one knows hur? There are more things happening though. But who could stop it? No one. The only thing i can do it's that, to not be bothered about it so much and live on. Yeah. Anyway, some quotes i found, again. Here it is : "Love don't cost a thing" except a lot of tears,a broken heart, and wasted years." and "true love leaves a memory no one can steal and a heartache no one can heal".

She held on with this feeling, looked into the sky with her worn out eyes... This would never come true, she knew it herself but she could not let go as she has somehow given all her heart. No matter how much her heart hurts, how many times it breaks, she still lived with it and carry on the days. Sometimes she had all courage to accomplish things. Sometimes, things taste sweet. However most of the time things taste sour, bitter and sometimes tasteless. She wished that she own a star as she could wish upon it and make her wishes come true. She loses her feelings at certain point of time. It remains the same for a period of time. It gave her courage to move on daily. Hope it would last..

Labels : Maybe it's two better than one..

2010-04-03T21:39:00.002+08:00

2010年4月3日, Saturday.

Oh hi! (: I'm kinda happy but i don't know why. Haha oh well. & yes it's already April! Oh well, and i have already updated some photos in facebook. I miss Vietnam ): Sighs. Okay, actually i've got nothing much to say. But just wanna say, imissyou. ):

"I needed sunshine in my days
something to wash away the pain
I saw a very gentle side of him
That took my heart
and Made it sing
I wish he’d run away
And hide with me
Love hurts so much more
Than it seems
There was one thing
I didn’t show I love him
and He doesn’t know."

Labels: It's harder than you'd ever know..

There's nowhere else i belong to..

2010-03-28T19:15:00.002+08:00

2010年3月28日,Sunday.

Hey, it's a start of a new week. I thought i could get rid of this stress shit out of me but it failed. Who knows, only God knows. I've been trying to hide all things away but end up hurting myself more. Hey girl, this can't go on. But who can i turn to? Who can i share this daily feeling i'm having? There's no one. I wished i'm having a holiday now and i wish to go to places where i can be alone peacefully, that's where i've always wanted to be. But i'm stuck in this shit here. Why must education began in the first place? I really really want to give up. Oh hell yeah i'm so smart, yeah smart. I feel so dumb, there's so many things i don't know about. Like thank myself alot that i fell sick and ended up like this. What nonsense? Or wait, should i feel happy? Hell no, i thought i could take the chance to get more sleep but nope. Was busy with stuffs. I always thought every weekends would be the days that i can leave my problems aside and be happy for that two days, just two days. But see what happen, like today? It sucks. Damn it. The only person to blame is me. I think i should stay away for awhile, i guess. I really need it. B'cos i realise that no one else can help me alrd. No one. I'm sorry to say but now i'm feeling like this, like shit. I'm so sorry to say but i just feel that it doesnt pay to be kind. That have to blame myself like really. I think, i.should.end.it.right.here. At many times i feel like dying. Yes, you can say that i'm dumb enough but well, i really do. & i really am one. There's no one else who knows, no one..

Fkocyuu.

2010-03-23T20:56:00.004+08:00

2010年3月23日,Tuesday.

Oh hi, yes i just came back from vietnam two days ago. The trip's really enjoyable and beneficial. Lifetime lessons ever that you'll never learn from school. Through real experiences, you'll gain knowledge and tend to change for the better. We visited many places, sight-seeing and of course activities with the province's children there. They really felt real happy. They touched my heart and i change their life. We really make a difference there. Especially the village at Long Dien's mountain, it's really shocking. I mean i saw the situation on tv but not with my own eyes in fact. We were giving out sweets and walking to and fro. The only thing i did was holding the two packets of sweets and walk in daze. I felt like crying. Just that i could not. What i saw was really heartbreaking. I wish that someday, someone could reach out for them more. I know they would not be able to adapt, but at least provide them with sufficient food, sanitation and clothes. As for the children in Ming Hung and Long Dien, we people really touched and change their lifes. Despite being poor/without their parents by their side/limited amount of entertainment ecetera, they live happily and seemed so relaxed. They are satisfied with what they have. Unlike us, we are satisfied but not enough and we ask for more. A girl of the name Tang Chi, she's glued to me, i bet she miss me b'cos i do. She's real adorable. I gave her my pair of ear studs. I suppose she'll treasure them. The children at Long Dien are super adorable too, they just could not let you go. But we were left with no choice and left seeing their teary, watery and puffy eyes. They had became our children somehow. We played with them for two days you can say. I wished life was like that here. How carefree, nothing to worry. Well, it's just my wishful thinking..

Anyway, have you ever felt like you want to leave everything behind and just leave? Have you ever thought of cutting yourself and bleed to death? Have you ever have the thoughts of killing yourself? Have you ever wonder how much pain i'm going through now? Fuck. I should have studied harder when i was in P6. I wished i'm much much more smarter. I wished that i'm waiting to enter poly now. I wished i've already taken my O's. I wish for many stuffs. Even dying. Wow. Fcuk. I'm seriously very tired, very very tired. I want to sleep. I've not been sleeping well for like 3weeks or more. I need my sleep like seriously. How? I wished that i'm having holidays now. Damn, i feel that i'm such a loser/sucker. See,all my friends are having holidays now.. I wished i'd too. I can't take it anymore. Yes, they kept "showing off" that they're having holidays. A few times would be fine. But seriously, i can't take it. It made me feel so dumb. Like i'm like the only sucker/loser taking O's among them? I feel like mia-ing from sch for a period of time. I should have chosen another path instead. I somehow regretted and somehow not. No one knows how i feel. I need to sleep. I need to catch up on my work. Damn. Argh, God please help me ): I'm dying here. I wished that i could see you and hug you. B'cos i want to tell you things personally. & ytd, i was just tired but i didn't know why people would think that i'm pms-ing. I wasn't. Maybe i was just pissed off with (insert name). I can't stand (insert name) too,throughout the whole trip and till now too and previously too.

Argh, fcuk this.

Labels: you'll never understand a person until you climb into their skin and walk around it..

2010-03-12T22:26:00.002+08:00

2010年3月12日,Friday.

HAPPY SUPER SUPER SUPER SWEET 17TH BIRTHDAY MARIANNE LIM! (hearts)

Oh hi! Oh yes, this is the 3rd day close to 4th day that i've not gone to school. ):
How sad right? I was absent from school on Monday and Tuesday,went to school on Wednesday, and Thursday, half of the day. & of course, i didn't go to school today too. Darn it, i've missed quite alot of lessons and i will be missing lessons too during the hols. I don't know what's wrong but i just feel so sick and weak, together with cough, flu, headache, sore throat. Beat that, how bad and awful can i feel? & yes, i suppose my results for my common test really suck big time?
Fear not,it's only the start. But how long can this go on? I really missed alot of lessons. :/
I'm leaving for vietnam in two days time, hope it'll be a good trip there.

Anyway,there are many things that's happening. But a few of them are already down. Like, school stuffs, bookmarks/cards for vietnam trip? But bet there'll be more. Ah well, just shoot all of them down like seriouslly. Oh well. Time's really running out. There are many things i've not done. Darn, i should be resting now ): Oh well. Jo left for US this evening, hope she'll have a great time there and be safe of course! I will see her in a week's time, miss her! Meh's leaving for bangkok on sunday too. Hmm, then i'll be leaving on monday. Sadly, elize'll be left here alone. But don't worry babe! I'll be back by saturday! And of course i will miss the others too! Consbaby, you're one of them! (:

In actual fact,i told you that it's already gone but it's still living in me. I still do ...

Labels : it's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what...

2010-03-01T20:23:00.003+08:00

2010年3月1日,Monday.
Hello March!
Did i ever say that now i always have the thinking of just giving up and why not just go straight to ite? Well, i always had. Mathematics' getting tougher, in some way, maybe not? English is getting even tougher, it's like an alien to me now, that's all i can say. Sciences, chemistry i think i'm dying in it. Anyway, there would be essay questions for sciences now. Sigh, what's more to come? Many things, really many things in life now is getting tougher, that's all i can say. Thank goodness i have something to vent and rant at. Because for all i know now,when i really want to talk about things, maybe tell a friend or something, i just can't be bothered and even keep them to myself. I'm not sure of what's happening to me now. Who will know? If something really happen, i will just shut my mouth and keep quiet even for the whole day. I'm serious. Anyway, i have chosen this path, so i will suffer with it. No point. What if i transfer to ite now, i'm sure of myself i would regret and would even want to transfer back. So what's the use? Oh well, many things are happening. I'm not sure of what's going to happen next. But i hope GOD would be with me all the time, guiding me and telling me what to do. B'cos i'm not surre what can i do now. I'm so sorry, really and truly sorry for the things that happened. I'm not sure why but i'm just thinking about it this way. This really sucks. Maybe all these were supposed to make me stronger. But why? It's really tough. Anytime i just feel like crying. Though i got no one to hug, i would always hug my teddy bear, and sometimes i would cry myself to sleep. Okay, this sounds real stupid. There are many things that i've made my decision and only myself know it well enough. Yes, certain things are still laying around and not gone at all. Sometimes, i would get upset after certain things have been revealed. Oh well, i hope GOD's really giving me the real signs and i hope and pray that they are the true signs. I love you GOD.

Labels: you are of your own talent,do what you think is right then you'll feel the sense of achievement..

I hope this could be over...

2010-02-28T16:25:00.004+08:00

2010年2月28日,Sunday.
Hey, it's the last day of february and chinese new year. Soon we'll be saying hello to march. The time just passes so fast. Soon in two weeks time, i'll be leaving for vietnam for the mission trip. Hope i will learn extra new things from the trip, life experience &&&& of course i need a break. Thank goodness it's only march. But i still need to keep up with studies which now i'm dying in it. ): English is a oh-no-anytime-can-die kind of subject now. Seriously now so many things are happening,it's bad enough. I already had a bad intuition that something bad would happen today. Honestly speaking, i'm really very tired already.. Not feeling well still and that sucks. It's almost 2weeks. Hope i'll get well soon, *closes eyes tight and pray*. Yes and you can say that many things are in my mind now. I don't know why i teared like seriously, no answer to that. What's worse was i vomitted the water i drank just now. My brother was even asking me am i so quiet. Anyway, i think i shouldn't use the f word no more. What's the point right? Ohyes, things are somehow settled for me already but why am i still feel this way? Why? I just don't get it. I'm really disappointed with myself. Seriously very very very disappointed.
I'm really sorry, very sorry, seriously very sorry, so sorry.
& yes my loan of vietnamnese book is getting to no where. It's a sign that i've to buy it. There's really many things i need to let out. Really. Anyway, i don't understand why people can be so ignorant. Firstly we were that close, now no more. I just don't get it. Sometimes, it doesn't pay to be nice. The nicer you are, the "nicer" the treatment. Really. I hate this. Somehow i wish i could be a blind or deaf person. How i wished i could. I rather to be one and let another person take my eyes and see the world that they have not seen before. I wish you could be better..

2010-02-23T20:59:00.002+08:00

2010年2月23日,Tuesday.
Oh hi! Well it had been such a long time or rather a month that i've blogged huh. Oh well. Things are moving on. But it's moving fast i can say. There are many things on my mind now. I just don't know why now,even though there's many things that's going on and i want to let it out. I just can't. Somehow, i've got no idea what made me this way. Like i just feel that i can't be bothered to say out. There are many things that i want to let it out. It's really bothering me deep now. I'm not sure either. I'm just tired now. Thanks to the stupid flu cough and sore throat. Thanks alot man. Seriously i have more things to say than this but however i think i should just keep it and leave the way it is now. Oh yes, anyway, i just came here to say, i won't be online for this few days, i don't know why. I just got no mood to do so. Who would have known the reason why. Neither do i. Oh well, although i'm here now but it's just for this post.. Only this post. Alright, anything just give me a call or text me ya? (: Oh yes, and english, social studies and mathematics' common test are over. But still, there's still sciences this friday. There'll be f&n test tmr. Dang, so many tests. This week's really packed. I can't take it. I need a break. I need sleep!
Okay, i'd better get going. Anything just give me a call or msg me ya! Love you and miss ya!

&&& consbabbbbbby, if you're reading this please please, i hope to see you this saturday for dinner kay!(:

Labels: I was never wrong about my intuition,it's really true..

2010-01-23T20:41:00.004+08:00

I've got over it. Really trust me (:

2010年01月23日, Saturday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CORNscience! HAHAHHAHAHA. LOL.

hey! I don't know if you'd read this, but i can tell you seriously, i let it out, i felt better. I mean, i'm letting go and have already let go of the feeling. I can promise you that. I don't wish to lose a close friend like you just like that. I hope we can be how we used to be, i pray for that. I really wish we could be that close friends ever again. Okay, it sounds kinda wrong but yeah, it's really from the bottom of my heart. I know it's wrong to have that feeling. I wish to have you back as my super close friend again, okay? It was just that the past few days, i've been feeling real down. HAPPY FRIENDSHIP FOREVER!

Labels: I really really swear, i've gotten over you..

2010-01-14T21:41:00.002+08:00

I don't know how to feel anymore..

2010年01月14日, Thursday.
Now, it's the second week of school, the fourth day. I thought things could get better, but still, it's the same. More pressure than before.. I can't take it anymore. ): Of what happened today, i mean nothing happened, but it's just me. During chemistry, i really felt like crying, like who would? It's seriously very pressurizing, very very. I can't take it no more ): I can't stand it. I'm so going to break down. How now? ): My brain ain't working at all. Nothing goes in. I felt like a block, that's all. How? ): I feel like giving up ): How? But, i've come so far, and i have to carry on.. Bcos this is the path i chose. But how? Should i give up? ): I can't take it.. Ahhhhh, howww? Who can help me? I really need to speed up now. Damn, all the negative thoughts are visiting me again. I can't! Argh. I don't know what's with me at all. I can't think. So many things are going on!! Many many many of them ):

Labels: i'm so into you..

2010-01-04T19:11:00.003+08:00

You'll never know how much it hurts.

2010年01月04日, Monday.
Happy i hate Monday day! OMFFFFGOSH. It's just only the first day of school and i'm feeling like this already! :( I think i need a daily 'nurse' to take care of me :( Anyway, my heart hurts so badly. You played with my feelings. Ah, forget what i said. HAHA. Anyway, yeah teachers changed. Mrs Mimi Ang's my form and chem teacher. More expectations, more work to do. Sigh. But well, it's just only this year now. Jiayou georginarachelkwan! Ahzhar! You can do it, i guess. Hmm, i think i'm still dreaming about the movie, the treasure hunter. LOL. Hahha. Funneh. & Ms Clara Wong's my new english teacher. Okay, i'm starting to miss Mr Shafie's lesson. Haha. Ah well. I can do it! Sigh, next week there's like english and chem test. Mygosh. And the pile of chemistry notes and english work are staring hard at me now. :/ Alright, byebye love.

Labels: evil...

2009-12-31T17:01:00.003+08:00

New Year Resolutions :

1. To have the best family bonding ever.
2. To have good results for O's. I'm aiming 10 & targeting A's for all.
3. To tell you that...
4. To find someone..
5. To have good friendship with my friends.
6. To earn more money.
7. To be more kind.
8. Talk to GOD more/Pray too.
9. To be a good daughter/sister.
10. To stop bitching/gossiping.. [i feel so bitchy..]
11. To be stronger..
12. To overcome every single obstacles smoothly!
13. To be HAPPY everyday!
14. Be myself, the hyper one again!
15. To forget everything that happened in the day, bad ones, quick.
16. To forget how i feel towards you.
17. To run many more times.
18. To do revision everyday after i come back from school.
19. To concentrate more on studies.
20. To learn to let go...

Byee..

2009-12-31T16:55:00.002+08:00

Why? :(

2009年12月31日, Thursday.
Goshh, i don't know why. I'm feeling so down. :/ Sighh.. I think i can just die. LOL. Okay, it's not funny at all. Hahah. Ah well. One moment, happy. The other, like an idiot. Why? I'm confused. Damn.. School's starting so soon. :( I'm really feeling down. Sorry that i lied to you kor. Anyway, if you guys want to carry on with your plan, don't feel bad. Haha. I'm still young. Lol. I wished i was older. But oh well, goodbye...

:/

2009-12-27T10:14:00.003+08:00

Confused shit much./

2009年12月27日, Sunday.
You won't know how it feels to be the only one that's alone. You won't know how jealous and envious can you get when others in your family are not alone and you're the only one. You want to know how it feels like? I guess you won't want to know. Wow, it's so great when my brother tells me how happy he felt ytd while i was like on the verge of killing myself, well that's silly but yeah. I mean, even though i'm happy for him, but i can't feel no more. I don't know or rather don't remember how is it like to be happy. how? I don't know. Who can make me happy? I want to leave this horrible planet. I know i won't leave so soon. But i want to. :/ I'm feel so alone and like oh-so-loser. -.- Anyway, i think i should just keep everything to myself now. I don't feel like talking much about anything. Be it a new crush? Not so soon. Be it any problems/saddening stuffs or whatsoever. I think i'm keeping them in my own bottle. Anyway, i hate cramps! :( I felt like fainting this morning. It hurts so bad. :( Now too. I wanna faint soon! :(

Labels: what is it like to enjoy and be happy?

2009-12-26T16:35:00.002+08:00

I don't know why i still care. I thought i already said that i'm giving up already. But why? I'm confused. :/ Okay, i guess i need time. He's sick now anyway. Hope he gets better. Ahh well. Yes i know, i still care. I know. But why? Sigh..

哭过就好了.

2009-12-25T17:08:00.010+08:00

CRUSHED and ALONE.

2009年12月25日, Friday.
No one knows how i'm feeling now. Not you too. I guess you won't want to know how i'm feeling right? You're so indifferent. Why can't you be more friendly and stuff? I'm really heartbroken. This time i really mean it. I'm seriously very upset heartbroken, feeling weak useless lost. I don't know why. This time, it's the first time i'm feeling this way. Gosh, i think i'm mad. Anyway, you wont be even looking at this. Because, you're not bothered. I'm really want to know how you're feeling. Not a single thing? Not at all? Gosh, it's really heartbreaking. Really, no one knows how i'm feeling. I really want to c.o.l. But, mad uh. I don't know what should i do. How? I'm really lost. I guess i'm all alone now. It hurts me more than anyone knows. Hahahah, this is so funny. I'm like tearing now. Wow. Hahahhah. Cool right? I don't want to burden anyone anymore. No way man. No matter how tough it is, i must handle right? :) Anyway, it's like almost 5 months that i liked you. Seriously. It's long but, i don't know. Hahah. I'm really lost. Really. What should i really do? Hold on? Let go? Which? I don't know how long i can hold on anymore. I've been looking forward for every single chance to meet you and to talk to you and stuff. & what you gave me was a cold shoulder. No replies from you at all. I thought you might be someone different. I thought i thought. That's all so one sided. Hahah. Wow. I think i've let go like part of it? I don't know. Now, i don't know what and how i'm feeling already. My heart is like numbed. I'm unsure of how to feel anymore. Who can heal this pain of mine? I think i should be more independent huh? I can bearly breathe... Anyway, you left me with only 3hours worth of memories. That's all i think i'll have from you. I think, i've made up my mind. I guess i'm giving you up.. I just know i can't control my tears no more. hahah LOL.

Labels : I can no longer feel anymore...

2009-12-24T15:12:00.003+08:00

Fcuk. What's christmas with tears? Heartbreaks.
What's christmas with laughter? Happiness.
What's christmas with tears and you've something you've been looking forward to that doesn't come true? Extreme sadness.

Okay, i should stop crapping. Lol.

So near yet so far

2009-12-22T15:01:00.002+08:00

好想说亲爱的，是我。

2009年12月22日, Tuesday.
Been busy with christmas stuffs ecetera ecetera. I guess my wish would just be stale. It'll stay where it'll always be unless there's really some angel brought down to me and my wish is granted. Well, it's impossible i guess. It'll be soon 5 months. It's like so long huh. I don't know what am i feeling now already. It's so damn confusing, that's all i know for now. I don't know how to feel anymore. I guess, my heart will always be with you as for now. I don't know what should i do ever. Hold on? I want to. Let go? Part of me is asking myself to let go. So how now? I'm really confused! What should i do hmm? I'm lost. Totally lost. I don't know where i am now. I wished that fairytales are true. Those oh-so-loving/happy-ending kinda of stories. I wish my christmas would have you... Please ... :( I guess, my heart's cracking already. Who can fix those bit and pieces up for me? Who will and who can? :(

Labels : I wish i could be somewhere near you, boy..

2009-12-18T18:15:00.002+08:00

Contented.

2009年12月18日, Friday.
Results day! It was alright. Quite okay? I thought i would fail luh. hahah, but oh well. Not bad not bad. I've got my wish granted! A big thank you to : Jie jie, Mummy, Daddy, Erge, Smelly, Jo, Marianne, Corn, Irwin, Jonchow, Mario, Cons, Rachal, Huimin, Lydia, Sean, Yuki, Martin, Tracy, Ah nee jie, Amanda, Gloria, Aunty Ru Min, ecetera ecetera for being there and wishing me! :D Thank you! <33

Labels: Now it's with you...

Crushed hopes.

2009-12-16T00:54:00.002+08:00

2009年12月16日, Wednesday.

I wished i could be given chances to prove.. Now, every single shit i've planned and planning to are crushed. Badly. I don't like this. Argh. Hopes everything goes well on friday. Please :/ I want a happy ending, not like what i've always thought of. This is so freaking me out.

Labels: I wished you could be with me all along, however this would never happen, at all ...

2009-12-06T23:02:00.003+08:00

Can i have this chance, please?

2009年12月6日, Sunday.
No one knows how i'm feeling now because, it's not being revealed. I reallt feel super down now. How now? Can you please reply? Gosh, i hope fairytales are true. I hope everything that's in the movies, 'Happy ending' do happen. I'm really down. :'( Uncontrollable tears.. No one ever knows..

Labels: You're my only reason that i stay alive, that's what i am..

2009-12-06T10:40:00.004+08:00

I'm unsure. I'm lost. I don't know what to do, at all.

2009年12月6日, Sunday.
I'm lost. I really don't know what to do. Why am i feeling this way? I should be feeling happy though. I'm really unsure. I'm afraid too. But no harm trying? I'm just thinking about the time, what if everything turns out wrong? I guess this time will be even worse than before. I'll be even more heartbroken. I'm not sure what i'll do, but that's all i know. I hope, i really hope, this could lead me to somewhere that i will see light. I'm real vexed. I don't know why am i feeling this way. It's somehow killing me.

Edward Cullen : "You're my only reason that i stay alive, that's what i am.." Touching eh? :(

Damn it, i feel so stupid now. :/ I dont know why. Tears are simply just uncontrollable. It's a fact. Seriously.

Labels: All i want for christmas is you...

2009-12-04T00:18:00.002+08:00

I really need a shoulder to lean on, a helping hand & i need you...

2009年12月4日, Friday.
HAPPY DECEMBER! May my wishes come true! Thank you v.v.v.v.v.v.v.v much!

Fcukfcukfcukfcukfcuk. I'm so dead! Howhowhow? Who can help me? Please help me with my duties. :( I can't take it already! I know i'm supposed to do my job but i can't. Too much for one person to handle! So many many many many things! Like church stuffs. I really really really need help. People are like not replying and the amount i expected to come didn't come. At least when they come i can spilt my job. At least. But nownow, who can freaking help me? :'( Please please send an angel down to help me. I don't wanna be stucked to this. Please please, people please. :( I've got a new task to do. Mygosh, though it's not urgent but it's from the centre know? Like, need good impression right? I shouldn't have taken up the job although i wasn't the one who volunteered myself. :( Urgh fish it. Really. Headache headache headache. So many events coming up! Okay, this is so stupid. I'm really lost and i'm like soon going to break down. Damn! howhowhowhow? :'(

Labels: This is a test..

2009-11-27T19:24:00.004+08:00

Maybe i was naive, got lost in your eyes..

2009年11月27日, Friday.
okay, yesterday's ton-ing thing was kinda fun. Hahahahah! Anyway yo, i can't wait for Monday babbbehh~~

Went for the CIP programme yesterday. It was really, heartbreaking you could say. I could never forget my first impression there. I stepped in, i was in shock. My heart really sank. Yes, i've seen this kind of people before but not in such a close view. This is really upsetting. I still can't get over my feelings. You could say i'm emotional but yeah i knew myself that i'll feel this way. Way long ago, even my parents know about that. My mum even told me. I really felt like crying very badly. But still, i controlled. Ah well, after the in-charge talked to us. Yes, at first sympathy. But now we have to be empathetic. Empathy, that's the word. We are all human beings. The things we like, they like it too. Everything we love to do, they love it too. Their sufferings, we can never know. Some of them can't even talk and can't even express. Their illness they have, can't be spread. Yes, they need more love, support than anyone else.

Ohyeah babbeh, erm please support Shop!Shop! ! :)

Labels: No one could never know how i feel..

I feel like an idiot..

2009-11-23T05:26:00.002+08:00

I'd never been this way before..

2009年11月23日,Monday.

It's like 5am in the morning and i'm here. I slept and woke up at 4plus. Couldn't go back to sleep at all. I dreamt, this is worse than any other nightmares. It ain't a nightmare at all. It's a normal dream, just that it's never expecting kind. I know i'm really mad. I couldn't go back to sleep, and now i feel so awake, i don't know why. Wow, this is madness huh. I've thought alot. But can't figure out a single shit. Nope, not even one.

I dreamt of all of us. The same situation happened, just that didn't know why parents were involved. Not mine, but my two kors'. We were at some shopping centre. It resembles tampines. One of it. Then i don't know what the hell are we doing there. Then almost the same thing happened. Then linked to many people, other of their friends. Many more. Don't know why. I know i'm like mad. Okay, we walked around the whole centre. & what's more it's that, person A was really upset. I really tried to cheer him up. But, who knows, still felt like how he was. Then i felt worst. This can never happen. But it already did. Why? I don't know. I know i shouldn't be thinking about this anymore. Not anymore. Then person B was okay. Person C, made me even mad. I was really very very mad. & nothing's ever solved. Nothing. This is so upseting. Okay, whatever it is. Stop thinking about it kay? I thought you said you were okay? Now, you're here like so early? You should be sleeping. Why? why? This can never happen. I don't know what should do. I just think i'm very afraid now. I don't know why. I don't know how i'm feeling now. I'm really confused. Why am i like this? I just feel that one day, i shall just shut everything up.
When i was waiting for you guys yesterday, i told myself, stop it. But once i sat down, i felt really weird. I don't know. I've tried so hard to stop this. But it just need to happen. Why? how can this ever stop? I'm afraid. I'm confused. I'm upset? I'm thinking too much? I'm just scaring myself? Just what is it? I really don't know. Who can tell me? Who? I'm feeling sick. I know i'm going to sound stupid, but i just felt as if i'm dying anytime. Anyway, my head's spinning again. It's hurts alot. I don't know. Why is this happening to me? I think i'm such a loser. I ruined everyone's day, i ruined everyone's time, i ruined everyone's life. I just simply sucked. This is freakingly complicated. I feel that my room's spinning now, i'm feeling giddy. I don't know. I was thinking that, maybe this is a test put for us by God while waiting for you guys. Who knows? I ruined it. Damn. I feel as if i'm like an idiot. Loser. My eyes are swollen now i think? It's 550 now.

Labels: One day, i'll just say goodbye..

What now? I'm really lost. shitzx

2009-11-22T22:55:00.002+08:00

got hold of a damn gun and shot myself in the head. 17 times.

2009年11月22日,Sunday.
I don't know why, i really don't know why. Guys, i'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry.

I'm better off dead. I really feel like dying. damn dang damn.

.......

2009-11-22T22:22:00.003+08:00

B.I.T.C.H.

2009年11月22日,Sunday.

Once upon a time, there lived this bitch. That's the person who's blogging.

Goodbye bitch. I shall really really buy all the guns that i can and just shoot myself to death. That's the happy ending for all. Happily ever after. I feel like M.I.A-i.n.g.

Labels: ............

UPSET. DISAPPOINTED. HEARTBREAKING. & I'm sorry

2009-11-17T19:16:00.011+08:00

Save me from this lovesick melody..

2009年11月17日,Tuesday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SMELODY! :D

Even though i slept late, i still had to wake up early. Hah. Went for choir in the morning. It was alright, i guess? Ah well, came home feeling very tired. Oh yes, on my way home i listened to 'Guardian Angel' by Hong Jun Yang. Nice old song huh? & i walked pass the multi-purpose hall and they set up the things for a wake. Images of my grandfather kept flashing through my mind. I kept looking at the place and what we were doing on the 6 of dec two years ago came flashing. I almost teared. I guess this is kind of stupid and silly? Hah hah. But to be honest, i miss you gong gong! :'( I really miss you a lot. How i wished time could be reversed. How i wished. But, that's just a wishful thinking. It's already over, so why think about it? I guess he's happy up there now. I guess he's glad that we are doing real fine. I guess he's enjoying with grandma now. I guess we should move on. I guess we should plan our things properly. I'm not sure of the reason that i'm feeling so down now. No one knows. Really. I hope many things would start ( good ones) and end fast (bad ones). I really hope, really. Okay, i might sound a 'lil desperate but i'm not.

I'm really not sure why am i feeling like that. Anyway yesterday was a BLACK MONDAY instead of Monday Blues. Mine's a black one. It really sucked. Sucked. Sorry if i'd showed people attitude yesterday. But that day, Monday 16th November 2009 sucked like hell. Hell madness. Anyway, just want to tell some people. Anyway, i really had forgotten about it okay? What makes you think that what you're thinking about is right? What makes you think so? & if you are really unhappy about it. Come and talk to me luh. !@%$. I'm seriously furious. Way more furious than you think. Yes, you can say i'm mad or what. But i think you'd showed your trueself. Madness. I hate it. I think it ain't worth treating you like how i treated you before. It ain't worth. You might be thinking otherwise. But on sunday i really forgot. Seriously. Don't tell me you'd never forget things when you're doing so many at a time and you'd to confirm things here and there. Convey msgs here and there. & my dad kept talking to me. That'd really made me real confused. I'm really mad. That's one of the reason for ytd too. & someone else knows it. Please, i lie to you for what reason? Then after that, you wont know how i feel at all. Not a single shit. Seriously. & on facebook, don't think i never see what you guys wrote. You never know how i feel. Disappointed. Upset. Confused. What excuses do you mean? What? I'd really forgotten. & you guys should know who you are. I'm really angry. Upsetting, heartbreaking. I would never blow this thing up. But, you won't know how i feel. So what if you're joking? You know that i can't take this kind of jokes. I can never. You won't know how i feel. This sucks like fuck. Sucks. You think i wouldn't know at all? You're wrong. Anyway, if you want to talk bad about the person, come to me straight! Don't ever talk bad about the person where the person can find out. Anyway, this is a small thing. You were supposed to msg me anyway (person 2). I was waiting for your msg so that i could reply you straight from there. You DIDN'T msg me dude. Not at all. So what? My fault? See, you forgot. & you're doing your work. So yeah. Anyway, sorry too.

Anyway, i've got many homework :( :
- Mathematics O Level papers ( '08 & '09)
- Literature
- English comprehension
- Physics
- Chemistry
- Got to read up for SS.
- I forgot what else :/

Labels: I'm waiting for you , right at this point of time..♥`R

What cost more?

2009-11-14T18:10:00.003+08:00

Will you dance with me?

2009年11月14日,Saturday.

yay! My brother cut my fringe again! && yes i've got a hairstyle for next friday, prom night! Prom night Prom night here we come!

The day seemed to be filled with doubts, curiosity, eagerness, endurance, anger ecetera. It rained today, once more. It seemed fine but what's behind it, no one ever knows about. That's where everyone thinks that it's the usual thing. However, it may not be. Will it? That's where the questioning begins. Everyone seemed to look at each other with doubts and fear. Why? No one knows. This is where people starts to fear. Starts to search high and low for the answer. But who really knows? Why not just take it that the answer will be here, right before you, one day. That day will come. That day, will clear your doubts. Everyone's. There's a reason for everything that happens. Truth is, best not to search for the reason. Let it walk to you. Stay calm and patient. That's all we could do now. What could we humans really do? Do we powers? Do we have huge authorities? The answer is : No. We don't. We don't own any. Living a simple, innocent, peaceful and carefree life it is the best of all. Holding grudge? You can't move on. No matter how much you say you've forgiven that person, deep inside, do you really forgive? Do you? No matter how much you say that you are okay. But deep within you, are you really okay? People tend to put a strong front infront of their loved ones. Why? Not to worry them. Not to see them unhappy. Not wanting to ruin their day. Not wanting to owe them something. However, with all the obstacles given, we have to face it. Be it death or anything else. We have to accept and take whatever we are given. If one day you were to die. Live with it, cherish the rest of your remaining days and be happy. Or else you'll regret. So live your life willingly and accept whatever that comes to you. Time heals everything. We all need that.
Most of all, things i need the most : Love. Courage. Strength.

Hey you, i'm sorry. Sorry for ps-ing you again. I don't mean it. I really have forgotten. I'm truely sorry! SORRY!

Labels: All i want for christmas is you..

WILL THIS FEELING LAST LONG? I BET IT DOES..

2009-11-13T19:27:00.005+08:00

I'll be dreaming of you tonight, till tomorrow i'll be holding you tight..

2009年11月13日,Friday.
yay! yay! yay! Today's FREE-day (Friday)! Alright, last day of school! But, there's still school for choir however. Went to meet GERMAINE, QIANCI & JIAYING for lunch after school. Okay, back to their usual self. & yes, after how many thousands of 'years' they're back! Choir felt different today. I miss the time where Germaine, Qian Ci in choir. The time huh.. Anyway, more people, i'm glad. No more worries. Hope this will continue.

I just feel that i'm so different. Different thinking, mindset. More positive. Still as naive. Hah. Initially, i learn more stuffs. Isn't that great? Isn't that awesome? I thought it was. I guess this may not last that long? I'm still wanting to look for more things. I've started reading the bible. The last book or rather last chapter. It's scary. I doubt anyone dares to read it huh. I feel that i've changed. Changed. I think differently now. Different. Faith is all we need.

Labels: I can't wait..

What's what?

2009-11-09T22:34:00.003+08:00

I just want to let you know, how i really feel. It'll come one day, right?

2009年11月9日,Monday.
Went to school today, as usual tiring. Sleepy, like a sleepy head. Uh well. Finally met babbeh today. :B Went for our Chao fan jia dan dinner then bubble tea and chat! From 6 plus till like 925. Haha. Oh yes, and i-don't-know who keep shouting my name when they walked pass and shouted ...... Erm, okay forget about that huh. Many stuff, chatted many stuffs. It's just like that. Enjoyable hun? Yeah, it had been long ever since we chatted this long though. Beat that. Life-time stories. Truth hurts. Reality. Dreams. Future. Faith. Love.

Sometimes, rather most of the time, i'm curious. I want to learn many things in life. Do i have the time? I really want to learn. Will you give me that time? There are many things to learn. It's amazing when you can sit with your friends and talk about life. Whether things are true or not, you'll just talk and share what's really in your mind. There are many things to say. I can never do this only with you guys. You people should know who. I've told you before. You should know. Ah well, now i realised i've changed. I stop and see things differently now. Like yesterday, when my aunty talked about her own life, i looked at her and thought of many things. I really admire her a lot. Seriously, i admire her a lot. Where did she get all her courage, strength, care, love, bravery from? Where did she get it from? She's somehow losing her family already. Yet, she's still that cheerful, jovial, humourous aunty i've known. I mean, when she was really talking to my other aunties and uncles and my mum, i looked at her. Although she might be sad, thank goodness she'd still got my mum. This is fate. I've really realised i've changed but i dont know how. I'm really glad i'm a catholic. No offence but yeah. I mean, i wouldn't have overcomed my troubles/problems/difficulties that easily and fast though it takes time. I really appreciate a lot. iloveyougod♥ I wouldn't be here at all if it weren't you.. I'd never regretted.

Labels: Let every single thing fall into place nicely and sweet...

Never felt this way before.

2009-11-07T22:15:00.003+08:00

What is this feeling called?

2009年11月7日,Saturday.

I'm unsure. I'm oblivious. I'm confused. I'm disturbed. I'm feeling unusual.
I'm maybe feeling somehow weird? I don't know. I never really had this feeling before. It's not ever like this. Is this what you call L-sick? I guess so. Oh well, i'm mad. Seriously gone mad ever. Yes, boy no one ever made me feel this way before. Somehow only you. I know this sounds ... but, that's how i feel. I guess you'll never know how i'm feeling now, right? Oh well, this is how i feel and am feeling. Ah shit,this is suckkky. :/ I wish it comes and ends fast. I mean this month. Seriously, this i maddness ever! Okay, i don't know why i was so moody yesterday. I never felt this kind of 'moody-ness' before. All the reasons behind it,unknown. I'll never know what it is. Uh shit.

Ohyeah, for some people, mind your own business,don't poke your nose to anyone's affairs, problems and life. It's really c-h-i-l-d-i-s-h shit.

Labels: I'm right here waiting. Patience,all i need.

Ahlian-ish kinda feeling. :( HATE IT.

Mixed feelings. So.hard.to.differenciate.

2009-11-02T15:13:00.006+08:00

Sad. Happy. Worried. Excited. Disappointed.
[Too many to describe how i feel, mixed feelings. Oh yes. Heartbreaks? Sometimes. But well, just hang on. Hang on.]

2009年11月2日,Monday.
Went to school today, lessons etc. etc. . Hmm, i felt real sleepy. More than before, seriously. Dont know why. Uh well. I kept sneezing the whole day today, used up many tissues. It could be the usual thing but worst. Uh well, i'm falling sick. I wasn't feeling so well today. What's more with the state of my leg. HAH HAH. That's shitty. Lol.

What can i describe all this feelings i'm having? Nothing compared to you losing someone. At least, it's still here. Within me. I mean, feeling. Ohyes. It's kinda hard/difficult/demoralised most of the times. However with those courage/determination/perserverance etc. I guess i can hold on and never let go unless everything turns inside out/upside down. I guess not, right? I got to hold on. But i wish, everything would be fine huh. I hope everything will be great/better/smooth after your exams? :? Uh well, i hope so. Anyway, i really hope you really do real well. Or else i don't want to see the super upset side of you which you are now i guess. It hurts, right there, badly. Even now, the depressed side of you make me worry that much! Okay, i shouldn't crap much. I shall wait, no matter what, i'll wait. :B

edited baby:/
Sometimes, i feel so useless/helpless/down/moody. I'm not sure of the reason why. But i still got to carry on. Hold my head up high and walk forward. Despite being hurt by the past surrounding me, i've still got to move on. B'cos no one can control anything in your life, except yourself. You are your own greatest challenge. You are your own greatest fear. You are you, yourself. Sometimes, it's okay to feel alone. Never forget, you're not alone at all. Not at any of the moment in life you're alone. Yes, i do feel that way. That's if i'm down or whatsoever. But, i'll always stop/slow down to think. Wait, actually, there's many others around me. Being there, waiting for me. They are always the ones who bring joy, the greatest joy ever in my life. Whenever i see them, talk to them thru smses/msn/phone, i feel that as though my life's perfect. In actual fact nothing/noone's perfect. But it's made this way that to those people in my life, you're special. I've told all of you somehow. That i feel nothing but joy, happiness with you people around. I love that feeling. It's great. It's as though i'm at the top of the world or smth, it's great. I'm thankful.

Labels: Am i doing too much? Or what?

2009-11-01T12:09:00.002+08:00

I'm happy, i'm happy. Because of you :D

2009年10月31日,Saturday.

HAHPEH HELLOWEEN
(HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEN~)!

Went for Novena as usual then home. Ohyes, on friday i msged **. :D Finally after building up my guts and courage. Lol. Oh well, then went to meet jo to study for awhile. As for me, doing homework given. It's hell difficult somehow and i'm suffering like mad. Duck. Okay, overall okay i guess? Anyway, seeing ** like this kinda make me feel uneasy. :( Uh-huh/ Uh, went home to help with decos. Oh yes, fyi it's my second brother's 21st birthday celebration. :) && HALLOWEEN too. Funfunfunfunfun. Ohyeah. That's all i guess? I was the only person who slept early. Teehee.

2009年11月1日,Sunday.
Went for mass. Counting, breakfast, slacked for while. Talkedtalkedtalkedtalked. Home. I'm tired. Seriously tired. Mentally too. There are many things to do now. School, church, friends, personal stuffs. :( I need to plan things badly. Seriously. I got to crack my brains to think about all those stuffs. && I'm worried for those who are taking their O's and those who are taking their A's. :/ Worried, the only word i can say and i can do; worrying. That's all. Hmm, what else can i do?

Sometimes, i get nothing for certain parts of life, i understand nothing. But after sitting down to think for long. I finally realise things. Isn't that weird? I guess it is. I want to do many things but for some, i just can't. Oh well, i guess i need loads of courage, guts ecetera ecetera.

Labels: you make me happy :B

2009-10-26T17:03:00.002+08:00

Staying strong am i ?

2009年10月26日,Monday.
School started today. Don't you know how i feel? I don't know, it's kinda weird. I mean at first during the holidays when i was dying of boredom i want to go back to school. What bullshit. Today back to school, slack. It made me feel worse. Yes, i'd told myself to stay strong. Hold on there. Yes hold on there girl, hold on. All you have to do now is to, hold on. In life, previously without really having the knowledge that God is really beside me every minute every second and every hour to guide me,help me ,pick me up and made me move on,i still think that why do things always happen.But now i know, it's the obstacle given to test each and everyone of us if we can conquer and overcome them.I believe we can, i believe i can. God brought angels beside me to protect me ecetera. Thank you God for everything you gave. It's worth it. I'm seriously very grateful to you. It's kinda i owe you expensive stuffs but yet, the gift is yet priceless. It's super expensive that no one could afford. It's part and parcel of life. Yes, i remembered what the priest said : Forgiveness. If we can forgive and forget during this period in preparation of christmas, it's divine. It's a gift from God. I'm trying that. It's tough, yes it is. Why not just give it a try? I mean it doesn't hurt. Many things happened recently. They affected me greatly. It seemed like i've fallen from a great height and it never ends. It never ends. I think i've changed. I just suck seriously. I mean like where did the old me went to? I can never find it again. No one can. We are the only ones who can control ourselves. I am the one. Why can't i just find the old self of myself back? Where are you? I prefer to be the old me. Not being so zzz ecetera. Why? I need to change. I guess i've changed quite a lot too. Now, i have to take in whatever bitterness and throw sweetness out instead. I need to be that. Bet that girl. Oh well, keep it up girl you can do it! To do that, i need a great mentality which i think i can do that, maybe? Who knows? Ha ha. Oh well, i got to stay strong. There are many other obstacles waiting for me to overcome it bravely. Therefore georgina kwan! Stay strong, really. Stay strong. You still got those lovely peeps around you! Oh well, somehow it seemed like i'm talking to myself! Hah hah.

Labels: i could only look at your name for the time being b'cos there's nothing i could really do now....

Insanity proves everything..

2009-10-18T22:05:00.002+08:00

What's human conscience all about,don't you know?Your inhumane.

2009年10月18日,Sunday.
Today's kinda a-must-go-kinda service. I mean we go every week, it's just that some uncles and aunties are away. Uncle Paul came today and yeah as usual. Home. Out. Home again.

Despite living on earth for so many years, are you counted as grown up now? I doubt so, you're just kinda glued to your life now. I'm referring to a person you just knew. You put words into my mouth and acted as if i'm the bad one. More like you do, just that you want pity and more pity huh. Fine, you can have it all you want. At least all the things i do and say are all facts, unlike you. False. Ohwell, please think before you wanna say, i've had enough okay. I mean, think please. You think i will let you off so easily now? You even kicked a living thing whose far way more smaller sized than you. I asked : Are you human? Where's your human conscience? You said: So what? He's just a dog. What the fcuk. I mean like what if someone whacked your girlfriend up? Then is it okay with you if they say 'oh oh, it's okay dude, she's just (insert name)'. No offence to her but i'm just giving you an example boy. You just don't understand. What if in future someone injure your baby or whatsoever? They can just say, 'ohh it's okay, it's just a baby.' For goodness sake, i mean dogs are living things, cats are living things, trees are living things, those non-living things now were ONCE a living thing. Didn't you learn your primary school science huh? We are mammals which is the fact, we are animals. I mean so what if it's a dog? Don't dogs have feelings? I doubt you have and i doubt you are a living thing. Act so much of kindness in front of her? WOW.

Labels: you won't ever understand how a person feels unless you climb into their skin and walk around it..

yes i'm happy, yes i'm happy.

2009-10-14T21:28:00.004+08:00

Do you really enjoy doing this? You hurt people.

2009年10月14日,Wednesday.
There are things i want to ask you people out there which applies to our daily life. Are you really happy with the people around you? Do you treat them like how they treat you? Ask yourself, be it family, friends or your partner. You only want them to treat you like gold but sometimes you would even treat them like shit i suppose? To some people. Just to get what you people want, you'll somehow find reasons to push them around and beat around the bush. Is this what you really call love? Anyway definition of love can be through family friends and even your boyfriend or girlfriend. It's not simply only in relationships. It's even more. To enemies too, you are to 'love you enemies'. That's difficult huh? Yes, that's what God tells us to. Yes, to every single human being out there is difficult to love their enemies. Well, it would kinda feel good? You can say it can be ironic but this is how it goes. Well, ask yourself too, do you only think about yourself? Did you even 'climb into their skin and walk around it'? You can say that sometimes you dont even understand them when you said you do. It's kinda contradicting. Why not simply try telling them the truth and understand better? Oh yes.. It ain't a crime to be over sensative as every single human being would be that way because that's part of human nature. Ask yourself, you'll definitely be super and overly sensative where you think you're not. But in actual fact, you are. You think people has got no limits too? Everyone has got limits.You can ask yourself if you over react for certain things. Oh well, certain times we do just ask people to chill. But for some people, they conclude and end it there straight away and judge people from there. Is this what you call true friendship? Friends accept you for who you are, what you are ecetera. True friends do not judge you. They do not leave you in the lurch. They are sensative to your feelings. They treasure you like how people treasure money. They are always there when you are in need. What's most important they love you for who you are and they tell you the truth. Despite the truth hurts like hell that you might want to kill yourself, they still tell you. Because they care, they love you, they want you to change for the better. Not keeping quiet and leaving you in deep thoughts then if they do that by not telling you anything. They leave you thinking like mad and they conclude that you are being over sensative. Isn't that like hell? At least they tried all ways to cheer you up no matter how sad they are. I suppose Joana Marianne and Elize knows that because i told them before. I suppose people know that themselves. Not throwing whatever emotions they have on them. That makes them feels worst. What is friendship? I can ask you that. Do you not want to tell them the truth? I mean be sensative to everyone around you. If you do not know how, learn to. If you do know, less people would suffer.

ohyes, someone told me that 'living in the past hurts and why not move forward to the future instead?' when i was really down last time.. && you should know who you are (:

Labels: boy, every 'lil thing you do makes me fall in love with you...

2009-10-13T14:26:00.004+08:00

I'm falling for you..

2009年10月13日,Monday.
It had been 3 days after N's and it had been boring. Haha oh well. Looking for jobs soon but i had been home this few days too. Had bad experience this whole week. I'm glad that things are solved and i'm back to my usual self. To you dudes, the cheerful girl i guess. HAHA. Anyway, after friday's paper i felt happy yet afraid. Seriously afraid. Reasons not known but yeah at least i'm free now. Hah. & i'm on mission (Rubbish!). Anyway, i just want to say that, only then after things happen you, or rather us will realise and tend to cherish every single thing around you more than before. I guess during this time you'll be full of regrets? Well, what happened has already happen and you can't change the fact and fate huh. This refers to many other things in life. Therefore cherishing everyone, everything and each moment properly. You gain in that. Oh well, i'm home again today. Haha. So yeah. I'm bored. This is all i can think of now and nothing else. Anyway ALL THE BEST TO THOSE WHO ARE TAKING O'S! It's coming soon, in 13days? All the best! (:

Labels: If only i had met you earlier ... <3

2009-09-19T22:17:00.004+08:00

F.K.U.C

I talked to him, he answered my prayers. But still, i'm still at where i am. Despite feeling better, i'm still there. I've still got no motivation. Yes you can say, i'm crazy, i've got mood swings. Yes, i can answer you. I just don't understand, not even a single thing. & yeah, i almost went crazy. I don't know why am i like that. WHY? Can someone tell me? I don't get it though. I really think i'm a loser, such a loser. I'm changing, changing to someone i really hate. I hate myself, seriously hate myself. Like for no damn shit reason, i just hate myself. I just hate myself. I'm getting more and more bad tempered nowadays. I hate it, i just hate it. I think i'll just have to isolate myself and disappear one day. Then no problem will start and no one will be disturbed. I'm just a depressed little kid. This sucks, i suck too. Everything i do just made me hate myself. I'm a loser. I can't even encourage myself, can't motivate myself. No one can i guess. My mind is blocked. & even for this, i've seen a counsellor. Though it helped but, i can't help myself. I'm freakingly lost. I'm crazy too.. Oh well, it's me..

I'm tired. It's was just what they show on the slides during mass today.. All true..

Labels: Maybe someday, i shall get my ass off here...

2009-09-17T20:33:00.004+08:00

FCUK THIS.
I can't stand it no more. I'm on the verge of giving up.
I'm like a kite with a broken string, with no sense of direction. No one knows where i am.
I'm lost in the woods. I can't find my way out. I need, i need ...
I can't get out. I can't find motivation to keep me going. Nothing, nothing could help.
I know people see me as a girl who has no fears, stress-free, cheerful ecetera ecetera.
But i'm not. It's just that i don't show it that's all. Deep inside, it hurts badly. I always put a strong front not wanting to spoil people's day. I'm someone who needs helping hand, i need someone who can hold me and lead me and overcome my fears with me. I'm really afraid, really. I can't stop. I'm at a cliff now. Even my teacher knows i'm feeling helpless and wanting to give up. But how? Now, everytime i look at the papers i'll just turn off. Everytime i can't do a single shit, i'll be like a river. I can't do this anymore. It's tiring. I'll just pour out every single shit, everything. Now, i can't do anything properly. That's all i know. I can't take it. There are many 'What if's ' I'm asking. What if this, what if that?

Labels: I'm helpless. I feel so dumb.

一定要坚持下去呀！(:

2009-09-11T17:44:00.006+08:00

If i were ever to give up easily, i wouldn't be called ♥GEORGINAKWANKITWEI!

Ganbatei~

Labels: Especially you, i'll perservere on ... (: Now it ain't the right time yet ...

How could this ever go on..

2009-09-06T17:57:00.002+08:00

I just dont understand and can't understand. The way i'm feeling now is really sucky to the max. Ohwell, what's more is that i think i'm going crazy. I get worked up just because of small things that lead to anger that make me tear. I guess i'm really crazy. No one could understand how i'm feeling now, my mind's going to explode. Seriously going to explode. Stop adding stress on me, i can't take it. It's just tomorrow. :/ I really need someone now. Someone to hold me and i just let out everything. I'm weak. Really weak, i need someone to be there, beside me, for me. It seemed like i'm really disappearing. No one can understand this. No one, what i said to some people around me, i mean it sometimes. I can picture myself in that situation and that situation is really bad. But, sometimes i just stop and ask myself, why the fcuk am i thinking about this things? It's horrible, times i told myself i could do it and it seemed to not be true, at all. Ohwell, just hope that i can get out of this fast after me venting and pouring out every single damn shit thing. I guess no one will ever come here again, never. Unless i tell them. I can't take it anymore. I need a break. I'm tired, really tired. Mentally and physically. Seriously.

Labels: What the fcuk. I'm tired. Pissed off. Stress to the max. I'm dying. Help me.

2009-09-03T19:41:00.003+08:00

I guess i'm destined to be there. I guess i'm prepared to go to. I really wanna give that darn paper a skip. I don't wanna take that. I mean you can say that i'm stupid but i seriously can't take it. Really, i guess i really gave up. No one can help me. Besides, many assured me that i could go up but still, it isn't that easy to me at all. I guess i'm changing too. I mean, it's just me alright. I seriously want to cryoutloud. I'm maddd! Seriously madd. Ohwell, i guess i will end it here. I really can't do anything. No one can help me. I really want to give up. I'm very tired...

Labels: How would this ever end?

2009-08-31T23:21:00.002+08:00

数到五答应我。。。Promise me by 5...

2009年8月31日,Monday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XIAOWEI JIE! ♥

Okay, now let's count down and it's only a week left. I'm super afraid, that's all i could say. I'm seeing myself there ... :( It's freaky though. I woke up this few days and i feel like just crying out loud. I guess i'm insane. I really am, i guess. I just don't know why i'm becoming like this.. Howhowhow? I want to break free. Break free from this shitty thing. I want to ... How, i guess i'm emotionally unstable, it's just driving me nuts, crazy whatever you can say. Even for now, i feel like crying... My mind's blank, something kept me moving on but i don't know what it is. This sucks, it really do. I've got many things to do that i've not got myself to accomplish this shit. Ohwell, here i bid goodbye...

Labels: I just wanna be with you...

2009-08-25T13:54:00.003+08:00

Blow the candles out, looks like a solo tonight,
but i think i'll be alright...

2009年8月25日,Tuesday.
PRELIMS ARE HERE!
Anyway, had mathematics paper two and literature paper 1 yesterday. Today, History and Physics. Ohwell, i don't know why i felt like sleeping. L O L.
Thank goodness i solved things. (: But there's one more, which i'm going to do one on one.

Hope after that you'll stop what you're
doing now and have been doing. You'll be at your losing end if you continue to
do the same things. Seriously. At least now, i'm telling you that you're in the
wrong. Don't have to ask who, you should know who you are. I'm not trying to be
ahlian-ish here, and i'm not one at all. Ohwell, hope when i talk to you, you
won't turn to deaf ears. I hope it'll benefit all of us. Please touch your heart
and speak properly, i'll know if you're lying alright. I know you hate me, but
maybe you're just acting real close to me though. But please, i won't fall for
your tricks. (: Think hard dude. Bye.

I guess, i guess i'm learning more things now. Lol.

Labels: the only thing i can do it's just looking at you from afar. :/

2009-08-18T15:16:00.005+08:00

误解哟，
真的sorry让你误解哟;

2009年8月18日,Monday.

Happy 1year old NANA! :)
Yay! Finally one year old already! :)

Ohyessss! I came home yesterday and planned to sleep from 5plus till 6. Then i overslept and my mummy came in at 7plus to ask me to have dinner. I went back to sleep and the next timing i woke up was at 1plus in the morning. Then i went back to sleep. So tired canzxz! :( Ohwell, in total, 12hours of sleep. Anyway, my specs' giving me headache. BAD HEADACHE! :( Went to school as per normal and then lessons after lessons. Guess what, Camille and i kept sharing storys. HAHA. Cool luh! Anyway, Camille, i (hearts) you! :) HAHA.

I'm super afraid of nightmares, i've been having nightmares or rather bad dreams recently i realised. :/ Accidents, being in a fight, car accidents, i died, blahblah it's just all the bad things. :( It's super disturbing. Even when walking home from school, not crossing the road, these images never fail to come straight to me. Next, i'll be thinking of my love ones right beside me crying and moaning for me. Like what the. Howhowhowhowhow? Dear GOD, help me to not have all these thinking, it frightens me alot.

Labels: I mean what i say...

104;

2009-08-17T15:38:00.003+08:00

I'm not a princess
this ain't a fairytale;

2009年8月14日,Friday.
FAILED. Okay, it's my fault. I'm sorry, uncertain if you'll be seeing this. But i was waiting for your reply but then you didn't. So i didn't want to add up your anger.

2009年8月15日,Saturday.
Woke up and went to the bus stop, met marianne and joana on the bus. Then headed all the way to Novena. After novena we took 21. & it's super long, i got headache. :/ Ohwell, i guess i can't really have a long bus ride. Or else ... The bus was really crowded to the max! Fooyoh. Anyway, Joana and i headed to E!Hub to have our lunch at the Kopitiam first. hahah. Then headed to Superdog to study. We were both doing Physics. Hope i really helped. :) Then we went home aftermath. Went out again to meet Marianne and Joana together with Delilah. HAH! Super cute! We met two days in a rowand third time the next day, isn't it awesome? :) We have had fun! Then went home and got ready for the next day. & someone made my day! :B Hahah, made me super crazy yooo that i smiled to myself. Right Jo? Heeheee.

2009年8月16日,Sunday.
Woke up and then went to prepare. Called Marianne, Joana and DXBC at their timings. Then went to meet them. Headed off to church and it was really really really extremely cold! Freezing like madd! Okay then stayed for breakfast then we talked. HAHA, super funny yo! The keropok auntie. Then the guys know nothing about it too. Kinda freaked out. Took bus 39 together with Joana, Irwin, Mario. Marianne went to the blocks somewhere near tamp mall. Felt bad. :/ & yeah, someone kept making fun of me with the keropok auntie. Lol. Super funny! Then went home and back to church again. Latelatelatelate. Then served 11am mass. Then went to collect my specs. Followed by lunch and then was supposed to meet Mario at 201, but he isn't home yet. So went to church to meet jonchow. Then took bus and met Mario on the bus. Headed to T3's Macs. &&, i saw JILLIAN! HAHA, like finally! It goes like this, i walked in to see if there's seats. But not at all. I felt that someone was already staring at me from the outside. When i went out, she was looking at me straight into my face. That goes the same for me too. Guess what, we were like, Ohmygosh... and started laughing. HAHA. Funny! Lol. Then started studying soon after irwin came. Then funny things happened! Lol. Kept making fun of me. lol. Then blahblahblah, home. :)

Labels: Honestly, is it ever too late?

2009-08-13T17:37:00.002+08:00

Kiss the rain;

2009年8月13日,Thursday.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY JONCHOW~ :)
May you be blessed with happiness! :)

Today's okay. Went to school and got english results, prelim. So yeah. Ohwell, must really work really really really hard yo. Okay, then had funny with the usuals. HAHA. Then P.E, ran. :/ 1633. :( Dropped like shiaaaat! Anyway, i just recovered from my injury (somehow, not fully). Soyeah, quite good alrd! HAHA. :) Ohwell, work hard for that too. Ohwell, tired. && it had been a long time ever since my face turn red after running! yay! HAHA, okay siao. ahha.

最近，我发现现在和以前不一样了。我应该保持乐观的态度去面对所有的难关。现在的世界是很有多不同的难关让我们体验和面对。还有，现在我发现很多人很可笑，很喜欢抄袭我。真的。总而言之，我不想管太多。

Labels: Have you ever wondered?

2009-08-10T19:22:00.003+08:00

♥,

2009年8月8日,Saturday.
Woke up, went to meet marianne and headed to Novena. Then was crowded than usual. Then after Novena went to take bus and then went home first. Then went out to meet Joana at E!Hub then Rizkha came. Then after that studied then left at dinner time. We accompanied Rizkha to buy her dinner then to SUBWAY to buy mine. Then home. Then didn't go to somewhere b'cos it's so far and no one can come home with me. Lol.

2009年8月9日,Sunday.
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!! ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMIRAH! ♥

Helloyollow. Went to meet Jo at the bus stop, on the way Elize tapped me on the back. HAHA, gave me a fright! Then just nice Jo reached the bus stop. HAHHA, COINCIDENT! :) Cool uh. Then the bus came and headed to church. Then after mass, stayed for breakfast. Then the youth were only Jo, Marianne, Mario and i. Marianne went home and did not stay for breakfast. Then after that the aunties and uncles talked to us. HAHA, super funny luh! Then left with Uncle Victor, Mario, Jo and i. Then we talked, then after Uncle Victor left, there's this lady who asked Mario to help her carry a plate of Nasi Lemak when we were getting our food, came to us again. :/ Okay then we were like so ....... Okay. Went up for 11am mass then felt so different. Just weird. Lol. Then yaa, someone never tell me that he got no lesson. In the end he appeared. Lol. But thank goodness i went to, b'cos three of the youths were missing. I was stonning all the way during mass luh. SO TIREEED! & yeah, after so long, finally saw Darren Toh. Lol. Okay then went down, b'cos mummy daddy erge and matt waiting for me. Headed to 201 for lunch and went to check my eyesight. Then going to have new specs. Still black uh. HAHA. All the other colours i chose don't match me. :/ Okay whatever. Then went to new house and home. Slept and over slept. Was supposed to meet crazy babbeh but i overslept and was really weak to move. SORRY BABE! :( Then stayed home all day.

2009年8月10日,Monday.
HELLO! Woke up and got ready then left house early. Waited for Natasha at Tamp's Platform. Then headed to Airport and to T2 Macs, no space. It's under renovation. !#$%!@. Then headed to T3 Macs, yay! Okay then bought our lunch and ate. Then 12plus started studying. Then all the way till 4plus. Then we walked to T2 and took train home. Natasha alighted at Tamp. I didn't know she got a twin sister. HAHA. Ohwell, had a great day with her today. HAHAH. HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS NAT! :)

Labels: you are really with me always to guide me ... ♥

2009-08-06T18:35:00.003+08:00

Hey my love;

2009年8月6日,Thursday.

Helloyollowwellowmollow. Hah. Erm, woke up and went to school with i-don't-know what feelings. But then, quite okay. I'm seriously lost. Ohwell, although every single time when GOD gave a test to me and ask me to find and see who my true friends are. I found them, but the thing is that i'll always go back to square one again. I should have been this way earlier. I'm sorry. :/ Only now i then realise who are those who treat me well and i overlook them. Then what did i do? I'm sorry to those. Sorry. Ohwell, with you people around, i can do it! With all of your support, i can. I can, yes i can. :)

Labels: Is it ever too late to realise?

♥HAPPY ONE HUNDRED POST! :)

2009-08-05T19:11:00.004+08:00

Hello Nihaozxz! ♥

2009年8月5日,Wednesday.
Went to school today, filled with mixed feelings. Stress, worried, irritated, disturbed ecetera ecetera. I still continued with the rest of the day. Ohwell, had Oral. Overall, alright okay. HAH. Ohwell, i just don't understand why people like to gain sympathy from others and making the other one the bad person. Why don't you touch your heart and ask yourself, Do you feel good at all? I doubt so. Ohwell, i do not know what on earth did you tell others. So yeah. I tell you, i did nothing and my conscience is clear alright. I guess this is really really hyprocrisy. Soyeah. Anyway, thank goodness i have lovelies that are with me. :) Thanks loves! ♥

Labels: do you even feel a shit of goodness?

:( boohoo.

2009-08-03T20:29:00.003+08:00

Hello, imy:).

2009年8月1日,Saturday.
I woke up and went for tuition. Then after that rushed to novena. Then came home and yeah, my auntie's still at my house. Haha. She's seriously very very funny and cute luh! Like my mummy. HAHA. :) Then went to Matthew's Birthday BBQ. Hahaha, though i had a strange feeling but kinda enjoyed it. HAHA. && yaaa! I realised i didnt really blog luh! Hooyooh. HAHA.

2009年8月2日,Sunday.
I woke up so hyperly b'cos i had only like 4hours of sleep? Hahha, i was really hyper luh! Hahah, can't sit still. Lol. Went to meet 'Lize and Jo. Marianne didnt come b'cos she was really really tired. Then went to church and yeah breakfast. Then helped out in the canteen. I did the Prawn Noodle stall. Mygosh, so hot! I was perspiring like madddd! Hoho. Erm, yeah seriously super hot. & i learnt something somehow. hahha. Okay then left early bcos i got alot of things to do! & very cleverly i lost my coursework! (!!!) Ugh, forget it. It's over. Just get over it georginakwan! Tsk. Okay then was really super angry luh! Okay then after that waited for some people for so long. Then went to meet them. Called shirleen and complain and rant at her. (ohmygosh, so so so sorry!) Okay, then they asked why was i so angry. HAHA. Yeah, i was really angry like maddd! Duck. Lol. && there's something else too luh.

2009年8月3日,Monday.
Went to school. Had English & Chinese Languages Paper 1. Quite okay uh. HAHA. Lol, i felt so sleeeeeeeepy can? :( I guess i will screw it up. Eeeeeeeeeeeyer. Okay. HAHA.

Labels: Is this what you want, like seriously?

Melancholic Tragedy.

2009-07-31T21:52:00.006+08:00

I'm sitting at my doorstep, waiting for the right time to come. I guess, it's over now. I looked out at the sky and realise that how naive i was. I was really a naive child.
I notice the difference in the clouds now, only now. Some pictures just caught my attention and it lead me back to the past memories.Now the story just ended like that. I realise that everything went wrong.
Really wrong. I wondered who could take the sudden blow. I guess no one could.
No one, simply no one. I know it's a gift for every single soul to be here.
Right here, overcoming every obstacle that's coming right our way.
I guess it's just the time that always heals the pain. I know.
Everything seemed to be turning in different direction and that made me want to end it right here. No doubts to that. How could this simply end it here? Only after many things happen i then realise who the truthful one are. It's just those 'You' i'm referring to. I know and greatly and gladly thank GOD for you. Besides all the encouragements and support, i felt like i own the world.
The happiness couldn't be described. Not like as if you wont the lottery and feeling delirious.
Oh well, i guess no one can help me now. I feel out of place. No where to be seen, no where to be found. Just lost in the woods. All dark and deep. Lost. The only word that you can find in the dictionary now. I need to get out. But there's no light for me. No one can help me, even if myself i doubt i could too. Now, i feel i'm going deep into depression. Seriously. That's all i could say. I feel that death coming over me. But i have to be composed and be positive. I need more encouragements and support. I'm not as strong as i may look by the appearance.

Labels: It's just being empathetic ...

F.C.U.K.

2009-07-29T20:04:00.004+08:00

F.C.U.K F.R.E.A.K F.C.U.K F.R.E.A.K

Okay, you know what?

This really sucks. :/

Seriously serious.

I just can't take it no more.

I need encouragements before i explode and vanish. -.-

So yeah, i'm so so so so so so so going to have depression. Lol.

H E L P! :( :(

I guess i'm losing all my A's. :( Goneee~ :(

Seriously seriously seriously serious. How?

Ugh, & also it's about when there's them, there's no me.

You people won't know how i feel ya?

You might not think so that you are treating someone else whom you claim to trust like you really do.

It really really shows otherwise.

So yeah.

HAPPY SWEET 16TH JO!♥

2009-07-19T12:17:00.006+08:00

HEYYO BELOVED;

2009年7月18日,Saturday.

Woke up and went for novena. Studied on the bus on the way there. Then i got headache, also felt like vomitting. So i stopped. After novena waited for the bus. Went to central to meet Elize. Then we went to buy bubble tea. Green Apple Milkshake. :) Then went to look for cake. So depressing, didnt know what you like eh Jo! Sorry! :( So we chose that MANGO PARADISE. :) Then we went to Aunty Dorothy's house to leave the cake with her. Then i went home and went to meet Fatima to study. HOWEVER, church was super packed so no place. Her dad came to fetch us to her house. Then before 6, her dad fetch me to church. THANKS V.M! :) Ohwell, i guess ytd was a very busy day for me though. SERIOUSLY. Ohwell. Haha. Okay then had youth mass. Mygosh, the first song's ONE WAY! :))) So hyper mygosh. I wanted to join those people who were really jumping! BUT, so paiseh! :X Anyway, yesyes! I'm so going to love the people who chose ONEWAY! :) Ohwell. Then just when mass just started, my headache and the feeling of vomitting is bad! Mygosh. :( Then i was off-duty. SO SORRY PEOPLE! :( I totally sucked kay? Like, a burden. Ugh. Then when mass finished, i went for the healing. & yeah, i didn't pray for myself, i meant health. Lol. Okay i was really weak yesterday. Lol.

2009年7月19日,Sunday.

Okay i didn't serve mass. Not feeling well and mummy and daddy didnt allow me to. I even have to insist to go to church so that i can surprise Jo. Thank goodness i can make it. Okay, i reached there and they were having breakfast. && we gave her the surprise. :) A SUCCESS! :) Hahah, Jo was really surprised.

Jo! : JO, hope you like the present and the surprise! :)

Special thanks to:

Auntie Dorothy. Uncle Victor. 6.45 mass aunties and uncles. :) . Then our usual group! :) THANKS ALOT FOR THE HELP!

Labels: Memories lasts forever & ever, be it good or bad.

2009-07-11T19:56:00.002+08:00

Hey there beloved;

2009年7月11日,Saturday.
Heyyo, today went to meet Marianne at the bus stop then walked to bus5's bus stop. Took bus to Novena. The journey was very fast today, haha. I guess it was because we talked the whole ride there and back! :) Therefore, we reached there early. It rained though. While Novena was finishing, it rained heavier. So thank goodness i brought umbrella! Waited for bus then headed to Loyang point to buy bubble tea. Then i went to Marianne's house. Hahah, super hilarious though. :) Then after that waited for Pet to come and the tuitor. Then left. Then came home and waited for marianne to contact me. Went to central then talked under my block. Hahah, super funny leh! <3

我想，我想我从头开始就错了。真的错了。我好想好想告诉姐姐很多很多的东西。在你面前时说不出话来，所以我就免了。但是在这了我想说声谢谢你对不起。谢谢你的简讯。我知道错了。我想我是太过自私了。很对不起，二哥曾经对我说过。但我真的没办法。我真的真得很累。仿佛活不下去了。我知道这是生命的一段顺练。是上帝给我们的考验，我全都知道。所以在这了要对你说，对不起和谢谢你！谢谢你这些年的关照。有可能现在以太迟了。我还有很多话要说但说不出，给我多一点时间吧。

Labels:我想，我想我从头开始就错了。真的错了。

2009-07-08T16:47:00.005+08:00

Hey there beloved;

2009年7月8日, Wednesday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! <3 May your health be improved more and more and more and more! Thank you for being there for us always and forever. :) If it weren't for you, i guess i'll still be living in fears since the incident in sec2. THANK YOU DADDY! <33333loads!

HAPPY SWEEEEET 16TH MUNEERA! TWINNIE! MAY all dreams and wishes come true! May you be blessed with good health too! <3 All the best in whatever you do! <33yaloads! I miss 2/4'0h'7 times!

Hellohellowellow! Okay went to school today. Ohyeah, yesterday i was hyper like madd! Really crazy know? I laughed like maddd! Muahah! Hahahah, lol. Okay, continue with today. Met Jolene and walked to school. Okay school was fun today also somehow. hahaha, then had lessons. Lessons could be said as really mad now. & y'know what? Preparation Exams are like next week and we have got no idea about the timetable yet. Soyeah, FASTER PRINT OUT! :( Next, tomorrow i'll be having my N Level Oral Exam. Mygosh, so scary. Hope i'll do well despite my damn horrible sore throat and cough. Lol. Wish me luck!Hahah. Toodles loved ones;

Labels: I'll be there ....

you suck like shiaat! [ I really need someone now. :( ]

2009-07-05T09:56:00.006+08:00

Hey there beloved;

2009年7月5日, Sunday.

FIRSTLY, HAPPY SWEEEEEET 16TH BRANDON!! (MUMMY!) :)

May all dreams and wishes come true yo! :) Hahhaah, must find a "Daddy" for me ya! Hehheh. Love ya manymany!<3

Hello wellow yellow mellow yoyo! Hahaha. Okay, woke up then Dad's in the toilet! AHHH. Okay then rushed. Almost late though. As in for meeting the girls. I met them on the bus then went to church. Yeaaaaaah! Elize's with us today! Long time never see her already, mygosh. Hahah. Then mass, the usuals. Heiwo's in attachment today. Talked to her. HAHA, she's blurrr. Anyway, it's in the morning though. Can't blame her! :B Okay then had breakfast and talks. HAHA, Uncle Victor's funny! :) Hahah. Okay, later meeting the rest for studying. (Hmm.. who uh?) OHYEAH! I miss crazy babbeh! :( Faster finish your camp! HAHA.Okay and the rest of the day should be the same ba. See you soon lovely people and loved ones! <3.

Labels: you are the cause of your own problem... I'm NOT a toy...